Thursday, November 15, 2012

And then The Prince did a very bad thing

Last night while The Prince was ironing some of his work clothing:
 
Me: "What tie are you wearing tomorrow?"
 
The Prince: "Well, I was going to wear that new one you got me."
 
Me: "The awesome stripey silk one?"
 
The Prince: "Yeah, but..."
 
Me: "...But?"
 
The Prince: "Well, I washed a bunch of my dress shirts yesterday, and I guess that the tie was still on my black shirt..."
 
Me: "YOU PUT A SILK TIE IN THE WASHING MACHINE?!?!?!"
 
The Prince: "It was an accident! I'm sorry!"
 
Me: "This is an emergency! Where is the tie now?!? I'll Google to see if there are any ways we can save it! If not, you're dead meat."
 
The Prince: "Well, it was all crinkled."
 
Me: "Yeah, it would be. That's what happens when stupid people put silk in washing machines."
 
The Prince: "... So I ironed it..."
 
Me: "YOU IRONED IT? Did you put cotton between the iron and the tie?!?! Did you turn the heat setting down?!?!"
 
The Prince: "...No?"
 
Me: "UUUGGGHHHH. YOU. YOU ARE BAD. Clueless and also BAD."
 
The Prince: "It's just a tie, and in other news, I am not a dog."
 
Me: "It was a BEAUTIFUL TIE, and now look at it, it's all dull and icky looking!"
 
The Prince: "I know. I made a mistake."
 
Me: "Yes you did. You know what wouldn't be a mistake, though?"
 
The Prince: "What?"
 
Me: "It would not be a mistake if I accidentally on purpose STRANGLED YOU WITH THIS TIE."
 
The Prince: "I was thinking we could use it as a blindfold. You know, silk tie, blindfold? Hmm? Hmmmmmm?"
 
Me: "No. Just, no. You are a silk-spoiler and I don't like you very much right now."

Sincerely,

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

And then there was a list and something about velour pants

1) You know how sometimes, you want exactly what you don't have, and you want it in the worst way, but then once you actually have that thing you're kind of like "Oh. Shit. I clearly just wanted that particular thing because I DIDN'T HAVE IT RIGHT THAT SECOND."? You guys. Being home is kind of like that.
 
2) I say "kind of", though, because in some ways, being home is marvelous and right and home. I had no idea how much I'd missed visiting and chasing The Prince's youngest brother (he's 10) up the stairs to the bathroom to start an epic teeth-brushing race. NO IDEA.
 
3) The drive across the country was mostly awesome. By that, I mean The Prince is still alive and he also still loves me (I think). Both of those things were put at high risk during that trip: Life & Love = IN SERIOUS DANGER. That's just what long roadtrips do, or, well, what I'd been told they do. In reality, we had a lot of fun, lost our audio-book virginities, ate a lot of pretzels and went pee in a lot of gas station bathrooms.
 
4) The one major hitch with our trip was the day we came across BOULDERS on the Trans-Canada highway before the sun had even come up. The Prince swerved the Jeep to miss the first bunch, then, of course, hit a huge one. The rock destroyed two tires and two rims, and we were 50 kilometres from the nearest tire shop. Please take a second to cry at the expense of that crap on my behalf. The full hysterics of this event should really be a whole post, so sit tight. For now, let me start by saying that there was a lot of "How have we managed to entirely avoid hitting any moose, and then, wait a second, no, FUCK YOU, EXHAUSTED TRAVELLERS, here's a BOULDER. In the middle of the ROAD. Beause I'm the Trans-Canada and I'm HILARIOUS. And there's no cell service, because fuck you even more."
 
5) The Prince and I have started new jobs. We both work at the same company now, and oh goodness can you even imagine. I've already made sure that all of our coworkers are aware that A) I wear the pants in this relationship and also B) I'm the funny one.
 
6) We are living in limbo. We spend most nights at The Prince's parents' house, mostly because we're allowed to be in the same bed there. We're not allowed to be alone in the same room together at my parents' house, let alone the same BED. Also, my dad refuses to heat our house properly because he's a jerkstore, so my choices for sleep are 1) Become an icicle or 2) Cuddle with The Prince. Seems like an easy choice, right? You'd think so, but toss in The Prince's awful cold that's been working as a premium-grade SNORING AMPLIFIER and you've got a whole other thing goin' on.

7) I went to our small town's new WalMart last night at 10:45pm while wearing velour sweat-like pants, a paint-speckled hoodie that says "HOCKEY" on the back of it and a plaid pair of slippers. I am fashionable as fuck.

Lots of love,