Friday, June 29, 2012

*Click*

The residents of the dorm floor I lived on during my first year of university nicknamed me Avril because I sang, played guitar and had long brown hair. They thought they were HILARIOUS. They weren't. They did get me an ice cream cake for my 19th birthday, though.

Am I alone in thinking that this is a total "guy thing"?

Last night The Prince and I decided to have a salad for dinner.

I like simple salads. I wanted lentils, mixed greens, cucumber, a little onion, some sprinkled sunflower seeds and some balsamic vinaigrette.

The Prince started cutting up veggies. He asked if he could put some mushrooms in the salad.

"Sure," I said, "But nothing else."

I went to change out of my work clothes and came back to see a mountain of raw cauliflower dumped on top of the aforementioned ingredients.

"NOOOOO. NO CAULIFLOWER. WE HAD CAILIFLOWER LAST NIGHT."

"Tough luck, sweetie, it's going to go bad if we don't eat it."

I stomped away, whining the whole time.

When I peeked into the kitchen again, I saw him slicing some red pepper. A whole red pepper.

"WHY ARE YOU ADDING RED PEPPER? YOU CAN'T JUST THROW EVERYTHING IN THE FRIDGE INTO A BOWL AND CALL IT A SALAD!"

"Kitten. You are a VEGETARIAN. You're supposed to like vegetables."

I ignored this and proceeded to pout.

When it was time to sit down and eat, I stabbed my fork angrily into the "salad", which was really more like a giant bowl of mixed refrigerator contents.

My fork came out carrying a giant chunk of zucchini.

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? WHY IS THERE ZUCCHINI IN HERE?"

Am I alone in thinking that this is a total "guy thing"? I find that every time The Prince makes a salad or soup, he figures that EVERYTHING in the fridge is fair game. This always results in a huge bowl of mixed WHATEVER.

And I hate it.

Related: Rustic Salad.

That is all.


Thursday, June 28, 2012

*Click*

He's a pretty puppy and he knows it. He's also all "Bitch, what are you doing, waking me up from my nap and shit? NOT COOL."

And then I cried until The Prince agreed to stay home from work and hold me

Things I said yesterday when I was hysterically sad and anxious:

"It's not even 8am and I'm crying. I want to fly home. Now. On the next flight. I hate Kelowna and its stupid mountains. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I love it here and I just can't tell. What if I get home and then everything is even WORSE?"

"WHY IS IT ALWAYS FUCKING RAINING?!"

"There's a huge knot in my hair and I'm so upset about it I might just cut out this whole chunk."

"I'm sorry, my day has been taken over by anxiety, I really don't think I can make it in to work. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I took a personality test last week. Guess how extroverted I am. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. I am one hundred percent extroverted. THAT'S why I can't just keep my feelings in, they need to escape."

"These are high-waisted leggings. You know why I love them? Because they hold my fat in. Today, though, I'm pretty sure they're trying to cut me. In half."

"Please stop trying to throw blueberries down my shirt. It's not making me feel any better."

"I'm going to quit. I'm just going to quit my job and go back to being a bartender. I think that getting other people drunk is my true calling. HOW SAD IS THAT?"

"I want to go for a walk because I haven't been outside all day but I honestly can't handle pants right now. Come cuddle me." 

"Why are there no carbs? Seriously, why? OH WAIT I KNOW, BECAUSE I WILL EAT THEM ALL IN A FIT OF DESPERATION."

"I tried to fix my feet. I tried to soak them in Epsom salt and then do the scrubbie thing and I got one foot done but I'm too exhausted to do the other one. Can you please just scrub my other foot? It's making me so sad that now one of them is all nice and smooth and the other one is scaly and disgusting. I'm a monster."

I made it to work today, so that's something,




Wednesday, June 27, 2012

*Click*

So along with taking lots of pictures of flowers, I also have a tendency to take pictures of all the drinks on the table whenever I go out. I do not know why I do this. My friends make fun of me.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Things I said a long time ago that I still kind of like



"Then I got in the car and my iPod launched a violent attack on my psyche by choosing to shuffle itself right to the song that (insert ex boyfriend's name here) and I used to sing together in my car last summer.
Aahahaahahhaahhaah. "Then I got in the car and my iPod launched a violent attack on my psyche."
I am tres hilarious, no?
But yeah, I'm okay. It's Friday and I am tired. Everyone is telling me I look tired, and I know that really means I look like shit, and that's because I took up drinking for sport this week and haven't been sleeping as much as I should. I just yawned.
I think I might quit my job and write a book. Not."

*Click*

My first love car. She's called The Burgundy Baby. I am soooo excited to get home and go for a spin! I am going to be driving this sucker when I'm ninety.

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) The Prince and I both fell madly in love with this song at first listen.
2) "With your pepper-grinder hips" is one of the lyrics.
3) And that was the end of that!

I call this stage the snorepocalypse

Last night The Prince asked me if his snoring had been worse or better as of late.

My answer:

Well, sleep time usually starts out okay. You insist, while you're on the verge of slumber, that I need to be cuddling you with all of my limbs OR that you need to be smothering me with all of yours.

I assume you like this because you're a delicate flower.

Sometime shortly after that phase, your breathing slows and you drift off. I slowly escape from your loving choke-hold and recede to my side of the bed.

A few minutes after that, I hear this adorable, cute, little piglet sound. It's a soft little snort. It's almost cute.

[via]

You continue to sleep for a while after your baby warthog snort and I begin to relax.

Right when I get comfortable, you let out this long, exhausted sigh. This is the true sign that you're out like a light and won't be up until the morning.

The sound of your sigh is comforting. Sometimes it makes me snuggle closer to you. Sometimes I nuzzle my face into your shoulder.

Mid-nuzzle, I hear another little piglet snort. I think you're adorable so I let it slide. I start to fall asleep.

Precisely 3.5 seconds after I've actually manged to achieve sleep, I am awoken by the loudest, meanest, snortiest snore in the entire universe.

Seriously. There are no more little piglet or baby warthog sounds around.

I assume you've eaten them.

It actually sounds like there's a garbage disposal buried in your throat. I shit you not.

I call this stage the snorepocalypse.

The snorepocalypse does not yeild to my shoves, pleas or attempted suffocation.

It continues all night long.

I sincerely wish that our couch wasn't such an uncomfortable piece of shit.

Does that answer your question?

*Sigh*,

Monday, June 25, 2012

*Click*

My guitar capo soaked in Coca-Cola at a party I went to in the eleventh grade. Fuck yes.

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) Well, I wanted to post the Anna Sun song, but it's EVERYWHERE lately, so here's my other favourite from the Walk The Moon album.
2) This song kept me sane while driving home from Osoyoos last night.
3) It's good beautiful, okay?

CHARMIN. As in THE TOILET PAPER.

The Prince and I took a day trip yesterday to Osoyoos, a place where there is a fruit stand every 20 feet and a supposed desert. Osoyoos is on the border of Washington.

A few things that were said yesterday:

“You told me there was going to be a desert. With cacti. I am not leaving this place until you show me a cactus.”

***

“Oh, that’s the highway. You were totally right.”

“Can you repeat that, please?”

“I said that’s the highway.”

“No, the other part.”

“I said YOU WERE TOTALLY RIGHT, OKAY?”

***

“I can’t handle this road, I am positive that you’re about to drive us off the side of a mountain. The edge is like riiiiight there, and frankly I don’t trust you with my life.”

***

“I need you to stop driving so I can take a picture of the pretty rainbow. Also, I have to pee again.”


***

“I’m so disappointed in the lack of wildlife we’ve seen today.”

“LOOK SWEETIE, IT’S A CHIPMUNK.”

***

“Okay, no. We can’t stop here. This looks like an area where bears would live and maul things. I don’t do bear habitats.”

***

“IT’S A WINERY. STOP THE CAR.”

***

“The bartender just said that the two taxidermied bears are named Bob and Charmin. CHARMIN. As in THE TOILET PAPER.”

Here's to a non-sucky Monday,

Sunday, June 24, 2012

*Click*

This is, as you may already know, my favourite song of all time. I wrote this out, covered it in stickers, laminated it and then stuck it to the message board in the aquatics office of the pool I used to work at. I loved that job a lot.

*Click*


Saturday, June 23, 2012

Friday, June 22, 2012

*Click*

That there is a fuckton of snow on my childhood clubhouse. Yeah, it's June and I'm posting snow pictures, WHAT.

And then The Prince writhed on the couch in desperate grease overload

The Prince and I have been eating quite healthily as of late.

Yesterday when I got home from work we started making dinner.

The Prince was walking around the kitchen, sort of holding his stomach like it hurt.

"What are you doing, didn't you just have a salad for lunch?"

"Well... no."

"Oh. What did you have?"

"I went to McDonald's. I broke down. I needed something terrible."

"What did you get?"

"Three burgers, fries and a coke."

"THREE BURGERS?!?!"

"... yeah. I really regret it now."

Believe me, I ate my cauliflower and asparagus with joy last night.

The Prince writhed on the couch in desperate grease overload.

I didn't feel the least bit sorry for him.

And then this morning he was late for work because he clogged the toilet.

Yeah, AWESOME.

Serves him right.

Happy Friday,


Thursday, June 21, 2012

*Click*

You know that really famous "Public Market" picture? Yeah, this is nothing like that.

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) I love whenever AltNation plays this. Makes my day.
2) Blondfire is a great sister/brother duo band.
3) Catchy! The start of the video is a little weird, but the song is awesome!

A story about my badass grandma

My parents were pretty hands-off when it came to raising my brother and I.

They had some rules though, like that we weren't allowed to drink alcohol "to their knowledge".

This meant that we were technically allowed to go out and drink, so long as my parents never heard about it.

Still, they would never, ever buy us alcohol.

My brother and I respected this rule.

My grandma, however, did not.

When I was in the 10th grade, I was going to a party.

My grandma was driving me there.

On the way, she stopped at the liquor store, went in, and came back out with a six pack of vodka coolers.

They were this exact kind.

She handed them to me, looked me in the eye, told me to have fun and to never tell my parents what she'd done.

I was in shock at first, but of course ended up having an awesome time at the party.

Until I threw up all over myself.

My grandma is the best.

Cheers,

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

*Click*

Excuse me, what are you doing? I do not think that metal makes a very good pillow, Jetter. Oh, and put that tongue back in your mouth. RUDE. What are you, drunk?

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) Alanis really is just so, so freaking talented.
2) More Canadian goodness.
3) This was released when I was in kindergarten. I had it on a cassette and I played it all the time.

And then I stood there while The Prince plucked a freak hair from my collarbone area

I had just taken a shower and was stepping out of the bathroom in my towel.

The Prince was there, waiting to hug me because he knew I'd had a rough day.

We stood there hugging for a few seconds, and then I felt this weird little tug on the skin near my collarbone.

I looked down to see what it was.

The Prince was gently tugging on a small, dark, little freakish hair that was on my collarbone and looked out of place.

I was horrified.

He kept tugging, thinking it must have just been on me, not that it was a part of me.

"I'm pretty sure it's... attached," I said.

"Should I trim it with scissors?"

"It's not THAT long!"

"Tweezers?"

"Obviously."

And then I stood there while The Prince plucked a freak hair from my collarbone area.  

He acted like it wasn't even a thing. Like it was no big deal.

I'm pretty sure he likes me, guys.

I'm growing FUR and he's sticking around.

Keeper, amirite?


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

*Click*

Taken from aboard the Wolfe Island Ferry in Kingston, Ontario during one of the best days of my university career.

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) Okay, I'm not a country fan, I'm sure that's clear, but this song will always make me smile because both my mom and my grandma love it and when they hear it they dance and it's adorable.
2) It's awesome at weddings!
3) Number one counts as two reasons today.

Things I said a long time ago that I still kind of like


"I sort of want to go back to school. Sort of. I sort of want to do it here, in my element. I know that I won't be afraid to talk in class anymore, like I used to be. I used to be SO AFRAID to talk in class that my heart would literally feel like it was in my throat. I always thought that whole "heart in throat" thing was just an expression, until I FELT IT."

Extra chin, anyone?

The Prince and I recently switched our driver's licenses over from Ontario ones to BC ones.

Our new cards came in the mail last night.

My picture is really, really awful.

No, I will not show it to you, but let me be clear:

They cropped out most of my really light, long blonde hair so that I appear to have a lopsided little bowl-cut.
 My eyeliner looks dark and menacing (thank you, 8am heavy-handedness).
I'm holding my head at just the right angle for a dreaded second chin dealio to make a nice little appearance.
It's pretty bad, and by pretty bad I mean I'm never showing this picture to ANYONE.

The Prince opened his envelope, too.

And pulled out a driver's license picture that makes him look like a sexy A-lister.

Of course.

I'm serious though. No one gets to see mine. I'll keep it in my wallet because I have to, but I think I'll tape a little peice of paper over the picture part.

I have other cards I can use as photo ID.

Plus, this might make me a more conscious driver. I'll behave better on the road knowing that if I do get pulled over, a cop will get to see the hideousness that is this driver's license photo. 

Silver lining, bitches.

How's your photo ID? Good? Bad? Does it make you look like someone you don't even WANT to know?

Cheers,

Monday, June 18, 2012

*Click*

Look at that curly little piglet tail! Look at that darling little white tip! AHHH.

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) This will always be my favourite Against Me! song.
2) Tom, the lead singer, is now Laura, a lovely woman. It's awesome.
3) It's a great "I'm angry, fuck you" kind of song.

And then I regretted the decision before, during and after

I need to stop letting The Prince drag me to car shows.

For the sake of my sanity.


We've gone to two so far this summer and each time I've regretted the decision before, during and after its occurrence.

The Prince before a car show:

"Sweetie! Sweetie. We are going to see SO MUCH AWESOME SHIT TOMORROW. I am going to have a blast. I can't wait to walk around aimlessly for hours and chug six-dollar freshly-squeezed lemonade while refusing to let you sit down and/or find a clean bathroom."

The Prince during a car show:

"Sweetie! SWEETIE. Are you seeing this? This Chevelle is one of THREE ever made. Doesn't that just blow. your. mind!? Oh, OH, look at this engine. It's so beautiful. I bet it goes like a bat out of hell. What do you mean you want to go sit in the shade? There is no time for sitting."

The Prince after a car show:

"Sweetie? Sweetie? I've decided that I need to buy a really super awesome muscle car. Nothing else will do. I need to feel the thunder of an engine while I cruise down the highway, you know? I can't imagine ever owning something with only four cylinders. I need much more machine than that. Our car* is such a piece of shit."

*Only by "our car" he really means MY car that I PAID FOR.

The real kicker is that I put up with this for AN ENTIRE NIGHT, DAY AND AFTERMATH, whereas if I drag The Prince into any store I want to shop in, he whines after 2.5 seconds and actually (ACTUALLY) comes up to me and tries to rest his head on my shoulder. It's his way of letting me know that my shopping is gently killing his ginger spirit.

How was your weekend?

Love,

Sunday, June 17, 2012

*Click*

I stole this. From my little brother.

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) It's the best Aerosmith song, clearly.
2) I need you all to know that spell check does not underline "Aerosmith".
3) I have no idea why, it's like it underlines it to say it's not a word, and then it goes away because it's like "Whoops, that's Aerosmith she's spelling, and that shit's awesome."

*Click*

Last week you got a picture of The Prince. This week you get me making a total bitch face.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

*Click*

I told you I managed a public pool once, didn't I? I was kind of a shit disturber big deal there.

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) Because your day could be a little better, amirite?
2) I bought 54-40's greatest hits about a year ago. I played that CD EVERY. DAY. on my way to work last summer. This song is my favourite.
3) "Make it believable, love can be beautiful."

Probable signs of many possible mental "quirks"

I sometimes feel compelled to take pictures of numbers when they happen in repeating sequence. I do not know why. I figure this is pretty weird based on the fact that I'm aware that it's strange and that usually indicates that the rest of the planet will think it's weird because you guys are way ahead of me on accusations of weirdness.

Examples I found on my phone:


I can also recall numerous times when I've asked the Prince to pull over the car because "the number is about to be cool and I want to take a picture of it!"

How weird is this compulsion? Anyone else do it, too? Anyone?

Sincerely,

Friday, June 15, 2012

*Click*

Yeah, cute, whatever. No big deal. He still sleeps under that bench. He also hides there after destroying things.

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) Because you were alive in the 80s would be one good reason.
2) Because it's so good my brother and I once spent a whole day listening to this while lifeguarding a pool. The swimmers did not complain.
3) Because, really, the logic in the lyrics is pretty sound.

One time, when this cop pulled me over...

I wasn't wearing any pants.

Happy Friday,


Thursday, June 14, 2012

*Click*

Whoonu is a good, easy game where you try to give people the cards in the your hand that have things on them that you know they like. It's also a really great insult machine. You get to be like "Oh, I'm sorry, is algebra not something that you like? WELL APPARENTLY YOU LIKE BEING A BITCH."

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) I saw Hot Hot Heat live in my third year of university. I went with my ex boyfriend's best friend and I still remember that I wore my hair in crazy, crazy big curls. Oh, and they were awesome live.
2) This song always makes me feel homesick because they're signing about going "back to the middle of nowhere" which is where I grew up.
3) Cute video, especially when he leaves to go take a pee. Ha.

And then I said there would be no lobster executions

I made a stupid mistake the last time we went to grocery store.

I bought the Prince an entire roasted chicken.

Oh, sure, I protested. I did not want to have a whole chicken carcass in my fridge, believe me.

But he begged and he pleaded. He told me he wanted nothing else. Only chicken would satisfy his hunger.

I caved and spent 8 of my dollars on a dead chicken even though part of my vegetarian rulebook is that I don't spend money on meat.

I have never seen a happier Prince. When we got home, he dove into that thing with glee; he didn't even wait for me to make a salad.

I thought the incident had passed; that I'd taken care of his meat cravings for a while.

Until last night, when he said "I think my next meat treat should be a steak. A big, huge steak. Or a LOBSTER. Oh, I want lobster so badly."

Happy lobster. [via]

I sat there, eyes wide, coming to terms with the fatal error I had made in buying that fucking chicken.

"You can't possibly think that we're buying you more meat, or that we're starting some kind of habit that's called a 'meat treat'" I said.

"Well, you bought me a chicken. A whole chicken. So I figure a little lobster might be okay."

"If you bring home a live lobster, you know that I'll try to make it a pet. You can't just bring home animals and kill them."

"If the water is hot enough when you throw them in, there's no lobster screams. It would be totally fine."

"LOBSTER SCREAMS?"

"Yeah. They make noise if they don't die instantly."

 "I DRAW THE LINE AT YOU USING MY KITCHENWARE FOR MURDER."

"It's not-"

"NO. NO LOBSTER EXECUTIONS. NONE. NO LOBSTERS AT ALL."

"Fiiiiiiiine. How about the steak, though? You're good with steak, right?"

Terrified of finding blood in the fridge,


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

*Click*

Oh, what's that, you say. That's a fucking backpack full of liquor. This night ended well for NO ONE.

Recommended Rockin'

Three reasons you should listen to this:

1) This entire album deserves credit and love. Blink 182 were amazing when I was in elementary school.
2) This is one of their best songs, in my humble opinion.
3) "I wish it didn't have to be so bad."

Driving across Canada: In need of advice, tips, opinions, ideas, stories and the like

Okay, people.

I'm asking for advice.

This will probably never happen again. 

The Prince and I live in Kelowna, British Columbia, but we were both born and raised near Waterloo, Ontario.

We're going home for a visit this summer. One of the major things we'd like to accomplish is to bring my car back out here with us.

That means we'll be driving from Ontario back out here to BC in early August.

[via]
Driving across Canada is something we've been talking about for a long time and we're both very excited.

We don't have any plans yet. Our goal is to do this comfortably and keep it affordable. We will be driving my 2011 Chevy Cruze. We will have use of OnStar for navigation purposes. That's really all we know. 

This is where you come in:

Tell me your best ideas for making what will probably be a five or six day road-trip awesome.

Tell me anywhere you've been in Canada that was amazeballs that we should stop at.

Tell me if we should we drive the Trans-Canada or take back roads.

Teach me methods that will stop me from murdering The Prince halfway through the drive.

Tell me if we should stay in a hotel a few times, or camp, or use public pools as ways to get shower use, etc.

Tell me what you would absolutely bring with you if you were going to spend a week in a small car.

Tell me your own road-trip stories.

Tell me if this idea is batshit insane.

My anxiety disorder is going to make the planning of this hard on me, so you know, just be a doll and tell me what to do.

With sincere thanks,