And then The Prince ate beef jerky while I cleaned the toilet

The Prince and I ruined the concept of lazy Sundays yesterday. We actually had our asses out of bed before 10am (miracle, yes) and spent the whole day doing some hardcore cleaning of our apartment. Why? Well, guys, turns out there is a point where shoving the laundry in the closet just isn’t going to cut it anymore.

When I’m in the right mood, I tend to go a little crazy with cleaning. I mean I scrubbed every inch of our bathroom, re-organized every shelf and surface we own and pretty much used The Prince as my kitchen slave: “WHY AREN’T YOU WASHING DISHES I GAVE YOU ONE JOB SERIOUSLY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM I BET I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR IT.”

Yep.

By far the funniest part (for you) and the most angering part (for me) of yesterday was the point at which I found myself arm-deep in toilet, scrubbing and disinfecting.

So, mid toilet-scrub, I looked up and over at the bathroom vanity I had just cleaned. And on that vanity there was a boyfriend, MY boyfriend, sitting on the edge of the sink, gnawing on a piece of beef jerky.

I added the text, original picture [via]

Allow me to share with you the varied ways in which I found this to be brazenly inappropriate.

First of all, when I asked him to get his ass off of the vanity, he told me that his sweat pants were, in fact, drying it for me. He was apparently “helping”.

Second of all: beef jerky. Disgusting on all fronts, amirite?

When I asked him what part of him sitting on his ass eating beef jerky and watching me clean the porcelain throne was helpful to me in any way, he shrugged and ate more beef jerky.

He then proceeded to whine about how he was tired of washing the dishes because we own so many mason jars and they are not fun to clean.

To which I was all “Fun to clean? Come here, boy, give me your hand. Let me show you how fun it is to clean a toilet.”

When he eventually did go back to washing the dishes, he only did so for a short while. He came and found me in our room where I was vacuuming and asked me if we could “take a break”.

I referenced his earlier beef jerky break. I was told that it was not an “official” break re: he dried part of the vanity with his bum.

Turns out an “official” break means splitting an energy drink and eating popcorn from two separate bowls because we are five years old and don’t know how to share treats.

The rest of the day contained a lot of “No, get away from me. You do not get a kiss. I am trying to arrange the board games by size but also in a way that staggers the different colours of the boxes in an artistic fashion. I do not have time for your bullshit right now.”

Does anything in this post remind you of anyone you know? Share with the team.

Yours with a very pretty apartment,

*Click*

Why I’m probably the biggest hipster ever: Consideration of some things I have said

 “I hate Starbucks”

“I want to buy a LiteBrite and make art on it” 

“Facebook is exhausting” 

“Are we seriously listening to this song right now?”

And, finally, “I only wear these glasses when I bartend”

Some hipster Ariel for good measure... 

[via]

Le sigh,

What happens when The Prince tries to focus on something other than me

First off, I would like to publicly blogicly announce that The Prince has just landed himself a fabulous new job. Let's all give my little ginger boy a round of applause!

*Yep, he's a red head. Looks like Prince Harry, remember? 

Anyway, this is definitely great news and we're both thrilled, excited and looking forward to having more cash for things like GROCERIES.

The hitch so far is that The Prince has a lot of studying up to do before he goes into his training sessions next week. He has to learn a lot of facts that he's actually excited about- sign of a good employment fit! Hoo-ray!

Anyway, this became a problem for me yesterday, which means that I promptly made it The Prince's problem, too. Because not fair, amirite?

I came home from work last night to find The Prince flipping through a binder full of charts and stats, memorizing them. He was pretty engrossed in what he was doing, so I had to work to get him to pay attention to me- I was all "I just worked all day so you should have done your studying then because now I want you to talk with me about non work things! Or let's watch a movie!"

That didn't work so I ordered pizza as a strategy to get him to put down the book. Problem solved. I am an attention-seeking genius.

Disney's Robin Hood. [via]

At bedtime, The Prince insisted on reading in bed while I fell asleep. The flaw with his plan was that he failed to remember that my absolute favourite part of the day are the few minutes we spend talking and laughing together before we go to sleep. I began to feel gypped out of my snuggle and chat time. This meant that when The Prince looked over at me from this book (which might have only happened because I started making cat noises) he saw me looking back at him like this:

An adorable Tarsier. [via]

The Prince gave in for a little and cuddled me. He was quick to point out that I was, in fact, very tired. Usually when I'm very tired, I get into bed and am pretty much like "STAY AWAY FROM ME I WANT TO SLEEP TRY AND CUDDLE ME I WILL CUT YOU". Only in this case I was feeling neglected and abandoned so I was a being a shithead.

Because The Prince was trying to focus on something other than me.

Does anyone else act like this when their significant other (or even a best friend, parent or pet) tries to devote mass amounts of time to something else?

Really? You don't do this? Just me?

Yeah right. You lie like a rug. 

Yours with Tarsier eyes,

On playing made-up games in public places (Bonus: Birthday recap!)

The other night on the bus ride home, The Prince and I were playing a little "Guess the movie" game. I made the rules (oh wait, I always make the rules because I'm the bossy one) so we were only describing and guessing Disney movies.

This mostly meant that I would start describing little details of a movie until The Prince guessed which one it was. For example, I said "Okay this movie has a lady in it who wears too much blue eye shadow and fake eyelashes and she is more obsessed with jewelry than I am." 

The Prince had no idea what movie I was talking about, so I continued:

"She has two pets who play the organ."

The Prince then guessed the correct movie, which, for the record, is The Rescuers.

Madame Medusa in all her glory. [via]

The game continued. On one of the Prince's turns to describe a movie, he started to describe The Parent Trap. I protested his selection on the grounds that The Parent Trap, while definitely a Disney movie, is not an animated film. Just in case you're wondering: Yes, this can be classified as changing the rules on the fly. My mother insists that I learned such tricks from my father.

And right then, the old man sitting behind us jumped right into our conversation with a loud "But The Parent Trap is a really good movie."

The Prince and I burst out laughing and of course agreed with the man. The Prince thanked him for taking his side.

By the time we got to our stop, The Prince had grown a little frustrated with the fact that I was guessing every movie he tried to describe after being given one fact. He, on the other hand, was not guessing the ones I described quite so easily.

As we walked to the bus doors, The Prince was mid-rant regarding my "cheating" at the game. I suggested that "Maybe you're just gravely underestimating my Disney knowledge."

And then the bus driver lost his shit laughing at us as we walked off the bus. Oh, the joys of playing our silly made-up games in public places.

***

I realize that some of you might be looking for a Birthday recap today. In short, it was incredible. I am so, so thankful. The Prince and my family spoiled me rotten. My mom had a gorgeous necklace sent to me with the sweetest card that plays Cindi Lauper when opened. The Prince woke me up and walked me from our bed to a pile of presents (Philosophy gift set! Grouplove CD!) and had spent all night decorating our apartment in Disney princess swag and a ton of balloons. I thought that was all wonderful, and THEN he brought me a dozen roses and a new stuffed animal friend (Ella the Elephant) to work. One of the ladies I work with treated me to a delicious vegetarian curry lunch, and when I was done work for the day The Prince took me to an outstanding vegetarian restaurant for dinner. When we got home he revealed a "Chocolate Death" cake from our favourite bakery, complete with 23 candles. OH and my grandma called me, as she does each year, and sang "Happy Birthday" to me over the phone.

Yeah. Amazing. I am such a lucky, lucky girl. The entire day made me feel so loved.

My gorgeous roses that look like flames!

With possibly the biggest grin ever,

23 things to do while I'm 23: Happy Birthday to Me!

As promised, since today is my 23rd birthday:

1) Visit Vancouver in the summer.
2) Adopt a rescue puppy with the Prince and name it Chevy.
3) Wear (read: fit back into) the jeans that I have hanging up on my wall.
4) Start playing open mic nights again. (Surprise! The Management is a singer/songwriter!)
5) Jog every day for a month straight.
6) Drive across Canada in my car with The Prince.
7) Pay off my VISA and then LEAVE IT THAT WAY.
8) Finish paying for my car.
9) Dye my hair so blonde that it will almost be WHITE.
10) Get my Ontario G Driver's license.
11) Continue blogging in the hopes of reaching 300 followers by my 24th birthday.
12) Buy a better camera (most pictures on this blog have been taken with MY PHONE) and learn how to use it.
13) Start bartending again.
14) Go on multiple wine tours in one day. This is the Okanagan.
15) Go skiiing- I am surrounded by mountains and have no idea how to ski!
16) Learn to drive stick.
17) Touch an ocean- I have NEVER done this before.
18) Read the remaining Alice Munro books that I have not yet fallen in love with.
19) Bake a pecan pie from scratch.
20) Go to a sweet water park and go on EVERY SLIDE, no matter how scary.
21) Own a real piece of rose gold jewelry.
22) Advance my career in any way I feel like it.
23) Volunteer with a new organization.

That's it for now... I'll do my best to keep track as this year moves along!

Yours at 23,

My last day of being 22

Unfortunately for you guys, The Prince didn't do anything that dumb last night so I'm going to write about something else! Myself! Surpriiiiiiise!

I'll be 23 tomorrow. I decided that tomorrow I'm going to post 23 things that I'd like to accomplish while being 23. OH MY GOSH NO OTHER BLOGGER HAS EVER DONE THIS BEFORE, I KNOWWWW.

BUT THEN, while I was in the shower this morning justifying yet another day of going without shaving my legs, I thought that maybe I should post today about 22 things I accomplished while being 22.

Without further adieu, here are 22 things that I accomplished during my time as a 22 year old:

1) I moved across the country, from Ontario to British Columbia.
2) I went an entire year without cutting or dying my hair. This is something I may or may not have accomplished by accident, but I'm counting it anyway.
3) I told a boy that I love him. This was HUGE.
4) I went to court! Traffic court! And I WON. (Because I win, bitches, I always win...)
5) I openly exposed my eating disorder to my family, close friends, boyfriend and the blogosphere.
6) I was diagnosed with Anxiety disorder! And then I started taking Prozac!
7) I stopped taking Prozac. *gasp* Yeah, I'll tell you all about it really soon.
8) I began to live with a messy yet helpful guy named The Prince. 
9) I got and began to rock the glasses I've always wanted to wear: original Ray-Ban Wayfarers are on my face allll the time now instead of just when I'm wearing sunglasses.

Go on, make a hipster joke. Do it. [via]

10) I quit two jobs and then began another one because I must like being the perpetual "new girl".
11) I started a blog? Which people apparently read? Weird.
12) I taught my mother how to use Skype. ACCOMPLISHMENT.
13) I used Hotwire to book a really expensive hotel room for really cheap. I will never not use Hotwire again. I was not paid to say this.
14) I beat The Prince at Settlers of Catan and have not lost since.
15) I went a whole 4 months (and counting) without a vehicle and survived.
16) I decided that I really like banana peppers, which I had avoided my entire life.
17) I saw two of my "top five favourite bands" live: Third Eye Blind and Sloan.
18) I introduced my boyfriend to my entire extended family at Christmas dinner.
19) I crossed the border into Pennsylvania for a weekend of shopping. Until that time, I had not been out of Canada since I was a toddler.
20) I took a trip on a plane by myself, which I had never done before because ANXIETY, remember?
21) I went bowling for probably the third time ever and I bowled 2 strikes in a row!
22) I learned how to boil an egg. This is not a joke.

Well THAT took way longer than it should have. Happy Tuesday, lovelies. Meet back here tomorrow for MY BIRTHDAY and a list of 23 things that I plan to do while I'm 23. I promise they'll be more adventurous than using Hotwire. Maybe.

Yours at 22,

And then The Prince tried to say "Plymouth"

As you may have seen in my last post, I like vintage cars. The burgundy Camaro in the picture is my baby, but sadly it’s in Ontario while I’m out west in Kelowna.

Last night, the Prince and I got all “Well maybe we could find a cheap vintage car for the summer, nothing perfect, just something worth less than 4 grand that we could buy and drive with the windows down.”

Dreamers, we are.

Anyway, we had fun looking at the cars posted online for sale. One of these cars was a Plymouth, as in the discontinued Chrysler brand.

Wait for it... [via]

The Prince: I’m not so sure I like that Ply-Mouth.

Me: I’m not so sure I just heard you correctly. Can you say that again?

The Prince: Ply-Mouth

Me: Again.

The Prince: What? It’s Ply-Mouth.

Me: Please, just say it one more time.

The Prince: Ply-Mouth.

Me: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAAA.

The Prince: What the hell? What is so funny?

Me: Let me get this straight. You’re saying “Ply” as in “this is a piece of plywood” followed by “mouth” as in “my lips are attached to my mouth”?

The Prince: Yeah… that’s how it goes. I sounded it out.

Me: YOU SOUNDED IT OUT.

The Prince: … yeah?

Me: Sweetie, it’s Plymouth. Like “Plim-uth”. It’s also the name of a city.

The Prince: Oh.

And then for the rest of the time we were looking at cars, every time we saw a Plymouth, I was all “Look honey! Look! It’s a Ply-Mouth!”

Because AWESOME.

Have you ever pronounced something hilariously wrong and been caught by someone who was as much of a shithead to you as I was to the Prince? Admit your faults in the comments, darlings. I won’t make fun of you, I promise.

Pronunciation FTW,