Friday, September 7, 2012

Some things I said this week

1) "Honey, those pants are too short. Yes they are. I watched you walk into the grocery store and I laughed the entire time. It looks like you're getting ready for the flood. And you know, this is your own fault, because if you'll recall, I'm a terrible girlfriend, so you hemmed your OWN pants, and you made them too short. Ha."

2) "These aren't blueberries. These are blue grapes. There's a huge difference. Yes there is. Eat one, I dare you. YEAH, SEE? They're sour little mofos! I told you so! I knew I shouldn't have sent you into the store unattended."

3) "So the old man in the grocery store just yelled out 'HOW WAS VEGAS, PRINCE HARRY?' and The Prince looked mortified and it was the most perfect moment in the history of ever."

4) "Mom, you can't just go to The Bear's (that's my little brother) workplace in an attempt to recoup all of your Tupperware and cutlery. Sure, he's a shit for never bringing home that purse thing he calls a lunch bag, but I don't think it would go over well if you walked into a giant group of mechanics and said: 'I'm here to pick up my son's lunch dishes'. Just stop feeding him until he brings them home."

5) "Your mom and I were emailing today. She wants to know if you're stressed at all, and if you're taking vitamins. She emails me about these things because she knows if she texts you about them, you'll ignore her. You're a terrible son. Call your mother."

6) "You're shoving me off the edge of the bed! Yes you are! Move over! I don't care if you're trying to steal all the warms! Get off of me!"

7) "DID YOU JUST IMPLY THAT I HAVE A FOOD BABY SITUATION GOING ON?!?! DO YOU WANT TO BE SINGLE?!"

8) "Sweetie! Sweetie! I can hear the landlord's puppies outside! Yes! Let's just go steal them. They can live here with us and be cuddle buddies. They like us better than them anyway. PLEASE? Why not? What if we just borrow them for an extended period of time?"

9) "You're infecting the whole stir fry with that green pepper. If it was a RED pepper, I wouldn't say anything, because red peppers are yummy. The green ones, though? The green ones taste like poop. It's a scientific fact."

10) "Everyone at work today was making fun of me because I don't know how to send a fax, but then I was all 'I'M YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE YOUR CHILD, DUMBASSES' and that shut them up."

Happy Friday,

42 comments:

  1. I bet that did shut them up. I suck at the fax too and I am 33 so I probably should know how to do it...

    Thanks for the laugh (or 10). When my stress levels are at an 11 I know to stop by and see what you said this week to bring them back down to a 9.

    Hugs!
    Kara

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just want to hang out with you for a weekish and laugh and laugh and laugh. But did your bf seriously get confused with prince harry?! Oh my gosh. Hahahaha

    Also, green peppers ARE so disgusting!!! Yuck yuck yuck. I refuse to eat them ever and my parents keep trying to pawn them off on me. NO THANKS.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can come hang out with me.

      In fact, please do.

      NOW.

      Delete
  3. AHAHAHAH The Prince Harry comment!

    I think I need to check in on this green peps vs red peps...the ones we get in good ole O-H-I-O tastes the same...at least to me?! Are the red ones sweeter or something?

    Don't you love being the baby in the office. No matter what anyone teases me about I always have the age card that I can pull. However, your co-workers don't sound nearly as confrontational as mine. If I tell them they are old they give me shit forever about it! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. the green ones are just... I don't even know but it's not good.

      the age card works wonders!

      Delete
  4. Do it! "Borrow" the puppies, I'm sure the neibs won't notice you have very similar if not identical doggies like they used to have.

    Also, love that his mother checks up on him with you. Cute and dorky at the same time. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah... I am sooo destined to be a dognapper.

      Delete
  5. I like how 3 out of 10 statements had to do with the grocery store. I go to the grocery store all the time...I can never remember everything in one trip.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pretty sure we go there every day after work. EVERY DAY.

      Delete
  6. hahaha I love the puppies one! Sometimes I want to steal my neighbor's puppies because they're so freaking cute! But I'd also like it if said neighbors continued to pick up the dog poop for me, because baby poop is really more my thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, I wouldn't mind if they kept doing the clean-up :)

      Delete
  7. I think this one is my favorite:

    3) "So the old man in the grocery store just yelled out 'HOW WAS VEGAS, PRINCE HARRY?' and The Prince looked mortified and it was the most perfect moment in the history of ever."


    If I were the Prince, I would be using the resemblance to my advantage, like maybe complimentary drinks or meals at restaurants perhaps?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. he gets so embarrassed when people call him out on the resemblance. it's adorable.

      Delete
  8. omg are you for real?
    "3) "So the old man in the grocery store just yelled out 'HOW WAS VEGAS, PRINCE HARRY?' and The Prince looked mortified and it was the most perfect moment in the history of ever.""
    hahahahahahhaha that seriously is the most perfect moment .that is amazing. i cant stop smiling! hahahahhahaaha
    NICEEE on the fax situation! im the youngest in the office too. im using that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, it happens all the time! he really does look like him.

      being the baby of the office has its advantages!

      Delete
  9. 1-3 are my top fav's and tell Prince Harry I said hi. Loved it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. HAHAHAHA to the Prince Harry comment. Good lord I would have killed to see that in person. Next ginger I see is getting that comment thrown right at him

    ReplyDelete
  11. no one should EVER imply you are having a food baby.. unless it's you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The girl who just redid my blog could be my daughter....easily. She knows more about html codes and shit than I do. But in my defense, I bet I know waay more sweet 80's dance moves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sweet '80s dance moves all the way. you rock.

      Delete
  13. The Prince needs to find a seamstress! I always bargain with my husband when he needs me to iron his work uniforms...I'll only iron if I can buy a new _________________. Works like a charm!

    ReplyDelete
  14. love that fact the prince got compared to our beloved prince harry! my one takes up the whole bed too and hes the skinniest out of us two! i've once woken up with no quilt and like an inch of bed! must be a guy thing x

    ReplyDelete
  15. I was just talking about bed sharing problems on my blog! They're real, man. The Prince Harry comment is hilarious...and you pretty much can't send men to the grocery store on their own. They tend to be useless in that one category.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. in that "one" category.... you're too kind, my friend. ;)

      Delete
  16. Ha I also learned recently how to use a fax machine at my job. And we made stir fry this week too and Jamal put the icky green peppers in it.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Following! Number 9 is a classic. The green (like celery) TOTALLY infect things with their vile taste whereas red/ orange peppers are sweet yumminess all the way.Rx

    http://sandersonsmithstory.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm all for stealing some cuddle puppies.

    ReplyDelete
  19. LOL I love that your mom was ready to go down to pick up lunch dishes. If she does, please make sure someone video tapes that so it can be shared.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm keeping tabs on her, don't you worry.

      Delete
  20. Green peppers really shouldn't be allowed to play with the other vegetables. The prince needs to call his mother. I'm guessing he probably needs to go back to the grocery store to buy vitamins first though.

    ReplyDelete
  21. You crack me up! I totally agree about green peppers. I refuse to even buy them. They're boring. Any they look even worse when cooked. But the other 3? Pizzazz! And the Prince Harry comment. Seriously. Best int he history of ever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yep- I'm good with peppers of any other colour... it's just a huge hell no on the green ones!

      Delete

Thanks for commenting, lovely human.