Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Lies I have recently told my mother

1) "Yeah, yeah, I totally have a list of everything I want to buy all planned out for that shopping trip in NOVEMBER. Yes, I know exactly what I'm going to get at which stores."

2) "You should send cupcakes to work with The Bear. For the mechanics. I think he likes the pink ones you make the best."

3) "I'm doing really well with the whole saving money thing. I haven't bought a single new scarf yet this month."

4) "It's not like I buy coffee every morning. No it's not. No. it's. not. And I need that expensive shampoo I buy. I do so! If I don't use it my hair will turn orange!"

5) "Yeeaaaah but I really don't think you should cut your hair that short again. I don't know. Dad doesn't like it. Yes. He told me that. He did."

6) "My kitchen is not a mess, Mom. If you walked in here right now, you would be impressed. It's not like I'm eating cereal out of wine glasses."

7) "I did not call Grandma before I called you. No I didn't. I haven't talked to her yet. No. She's making it up, Mom. Yes she is."

8) "Grandma did not send me fifty bucks in the mail. No, she doesn't do that. She doesn't put cash in every card she sends to me."

Why yes, I did cover my name with a moustache.

9) "Oh, you're reading Fifty Shades of Grey. That's awesome. Good for you. No, I don't know what it's about."

10) "Mom, why do you think I'm always late for everything? I am not late for work every day. Accusations like this are why I live ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY, Mom."

Le sigh,


30 comments:

  1. I totally think every grandma on earth has the same handwriting, and your card continues to prove my point. Unless we share the same grandma and you didn't tell me we're long lost cousins! Nahh, cause why would you get the fifty and not me? Pshhh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ahha yeah, it's true that grandma writing is all the same.

      if you're my long lost cousin, I'll split the 50 with you, gladly.

      Delete
  2. 9) "Oh, you're reading Fifty Shades of Grey. That's awesome. Good for you. No, I don't know what it's about."

    Just wait for the many awkward questions that she will ask you and clarifications she will need on certain parts from the book

    10) "Mom, why do you think I'm always late for everything? I am not late for work every day. Accusations like this are why I live ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY, Mom."

    I'm loving the false guilt trip you are giving to your mom. That's awesome

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I haven't read 50 shades, so she's all on her own, haha.

      and yes, false guilt trips are key.

      Delete
  3. haha cereal out of wine glasses...love that. You sound just like me. I am THE WORST at saving money, except I'm always answering to the husband (it doesn't help that he's an accountant and he takes the whole saving money thing very seriously). Damn joint bank account! I should have been smarter! ; ) haha I'm intrigued about this (what seems like, huge) shopping trip you have planned with your mom. Mind if I tag along?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yep, cereal out of wine glasses.

      I will NEVER have a joint bank account... that would literally ruin my life.

      the shopping trip is huge! it's a 3-day bus trip sort of deal :)

      Delete
  4. All of these are very valid lies. Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  5. 50 shades? So. Awkward.
    And cereal out of wine glasses is totally classy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah... good luck with that one, mom.

      and yes, I do like my cereal in wine glasses.

      Delete
  6. Will your Grandma adopt me? I miss mine so. And not just because of the cash in the card part...

    Kara

    ReplyDelete
  7. did you ever watch Seinfeld. Conversations with my mother are pretty similar to having that same affect... i often get off the phone with, huh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. of course I watched/watch Seinfeld. and yes... I know exactly what you mean.

      Delete
  8. My mom read 50 Shades but I didn't. What is this world coming to?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. same here... I'm not reading it, but she is....

      Delete
  9. Ha ha. My husband's mom is reading 50 shades. I refuse. I tried to warn her, but she kept reading.

    ReplyDelete
  10. bahahahaha. I love these posts! How awesome that your g-ma sends you money! I really hope your mom never discovers this blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha it is pretty awesome.

      if my mom did find my blog, she'd probably just tell me I'm a meanie and then laugh, so I think it's fine. :)

      Delete
  11. This made me laugh! Thanks for sharing. I am having a horrible time lately at saving money too, but I am going to try to do better when I get my next pay check. Yes, I will try to do better.

    Jessica @ Sunny Days and Starry Nights

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I try every single time I get one.... but then it's just GONE.

      No idea how it happens.

      None.

      ;)

      Delete
  12. I feel like a privileged member of upper class government that I actually know what your name is *sneaky face* :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lol. Lol. and Lol. I also tell my mum the kitchen lie. She used to come over and tell me how lovely my spotless apartment was, then for some reason she acquired a set of keys to my apartment and the whole and undignified truth came out. Now she says nothing.
    http://myfroley.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. she got keys?!?! how unfortunate.

      Note to self: never give my mother apartment keys.

      Delete
  14. I save money when I have to. That's the only time I'm actually any good at it. Otherwise I suck at it.

    And I don't want to know if my mom is reading 50 Shades. I don't. I've heard enough bits and pieces from other bloggers to know what those books contain. *shudder* Therefore, I. Do. Not. Want. To. Know.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting, lovely human.