During our phone chat, he made the following request:
"Can you pick me up a meat lovers' pizza for dinner? And um, some barbeque wings? And Doritos, I really really want Doritos. Two bags- one cool ranch and one dill pickle."
And HE chastised ME for eating a whole bag of goldfish last week. Yeah.
Anyway, because I am occasionally nice to my boyfriend, I decided to grant him his three wishes. While I was busy running around downtown Kelowna picking up the things The Prince had asked for, I found myself being inundated with text messages from him.
Below, you will find the variety of messages that The Prince sent to me while he was awaiting the arrival of his feast. You will notice that he went for the sneak tactic of pretending to be excited for me to get home, which, I agree, was a good call. However, we all know he wasn't really excited to see me- he was just looking forward to stuffing his ginger face full of junk.
Just for you guys, I have translated The Prince's seemingly lovely texts into what they actually meant:
Text: Love you :)
Meaning: Where are you? Where's my food?
Text: I love you kitten
Meaning: Seriously, where are you? I hope you got the right wings. And Doritos.
Text: I loooooooove youuuuuuuuu
Meaning: WHY AREN'T YOU TELLING ME WHERE YOU ARE?! WHAT IS TAKING SO DAMN LONG?!
Text: Kitty kitty kitty :)
Meaning: I am so hungry. Come home and feed me. Please. I'm not messing around. Where are you?
Text: Where is you kitten? :)
Meaning: No time for games anymore. I'm being blunt. Answer my texts. Now. I WANT MY FOOD.
Text: I wants kiiissss kittttttty!
Meaning: Pleeeaaaasseee get here soon, I'm dyyyyying of a hunger that only pizza, wings and Doritos can solve.
The Prince denies that the above text messages have any deeper meaning.
Tell me I'm right about this- because I am.
Boys are such jerks, amirite?