During our phone chat, he made the following request:
"Can you pick me up a meat lovers' pizza for dinner? And um, some barbeque wings? And Doritos, I really really want Doritos. Two bags- one cool ranch and one dill pickle."
And HE chastised ME for eating a whole bag of goldfish last week. Yeah.
Anyway, because I am occasionally nice to my boyfriend, I decided to grant him his three wishes. While I was busy running around downtown Kelowna picking up the things The Prince had asked for, I found myself being inundated with text messages from him.
Below, you will find the variety of messages that The Prince sent to me while he was awaiting the arrival of his feast. You will notice that he went for the sneak tactic of pretending to be excited for me to get home, which, I agree, was a good call. However, we all know he wasn't really excited to see me- he was just looking forward to stuffing his ginger face full of junk.
Just for you guys, I have translated The Prince's seemingly lovely texts into what they actually meant:
Text: Love you :)
Meaning: Where are you? Where's my food?
***
Text: I love you kitten
Meaning: Seriously, where are you? I hope you got the right wings. And Doritos.
***
Text: I loooooooove youuuuuuuuu
Meaning: WHY AREN'T YOU TELLING ME WHERE YOU ARE?! WHAT IS TAKING SO DAMN LONG?!
***
Text: Kitty kitty kitty :)
Meaning: I am so hungry. Come home and feed me. Please. I'm not messing around. Where are you?
***
Text: Where is you kitten? :)
Meaning: No time for games anymore. I'm being blunt. Answer my texts. Now. I WANT MY FOOD.
***
Text: I wants kiiissss kittttttty!
Meaning: Pleeeaaaasseee get here soon, I'm dyyyyying of a hunger that only pizza, wings and Doritos can solve.
***
The Prince denies that the above text messages have any deeper meaning.
He's lying.
Tell me I'm right about this- because I am.
Boys are such jerks, amirite?
High five,
Clearly he's the sweetest boy anyone could ask for! #gingers
ReplyDeleteAlso I'd like to point out that the majority of your followers are male-hating women :( Super sad.
DeleteThe Prince is the sweetest boy ever, I really do believe that. It doesn't change the fact that he is sometimes a shit, though. And that's fine, because I'm a shithead too, and I think being able to playfully make fun of each other is a huge part of why we work so well. :)
DeleteIn other news-
I don't think the majority of my followers are male-hating women. I don't want to speak for anyone but myself here, but I think most women love their men strongly and wonderfully, but that we also like to point out the things they do that drive us crazy and make us laugh to ourselves. I don't think that makes anyone (or myself) a male-hater, does it? It goes both ways- I know The Prince likes to complain to his buds about me leaving my hair straightener on all day just as much as I like to whine about him on my blog.
I'm just sad you think these other comments are sad- they're meant to be fun, in an "oh yeah my boyfriend does this too, he's the worst, *sigh* love him to death, though" kind of way... am I wrong?
Interesting way of lookinga t it!
Delete:) as always.
Deletehahah i love it!! too cute :) id say you're pretty spot on with the translations!
ReplyDeleteyeah, he is a cutie.
DeleteI've checked my Male-English Lexicon, and have concluded that your translation of the texts is flawless. But hopefully he did in fact kiss you as per the final message, if nothing else than as an expression of thanks for delivering his heart's desire of food.
ReplyDeleteahaha. he did kiss me. after he ate a chicken wing, though. ;)
Deleteyou are totally right but those texts are super cute. you guys are majorly adorkable
ReplyDeletehahah, :)
Deletelisten.
ReplyDeletethe only thing I can't get past is the dill pickle doritos. those are NOT in the states. so i'm depressed.
and never ending texts make me want to throw my phone, you're a good girlfriend.
hahha, the dill pickle doritos are sooooo yummy, Shay. They are. SO YUMMY.
DeleteI love texts, usually.. but yes, in excess, they can be terrible.
Hahah!! I love your translations and they are totally correct!!!
ReplyDeletehehe great post!!
Jen xxx
thanks Jen :)
DeleteThey may be jerks, but it's still so darn cute when he calls you kitten! And as you can tell, I'd totally fall for those texts. :/
ReplyDeleteI think we all fall for the cuteness sometimes :)
DeleteHahahaha those texts... boys think they're so sneaky. They are not. So easy to see through.
ReplyDeletesilly, silly boys, thinking they can be sneaky.
Deleteyep...exactly on point as always! You know, I do that too though? Last night I asked T-Slav to pick up a few things at the grocery on his way home from work and he said he was leaving at 530..around 715 I started with my own "can't wait to see you" texts ;) hahaha i was starved!
Deletealso i love your blog you mysterious lady, you!
ahhha yeah, I'm sure I've pulled this trick before myself. It's hard not to!
Deletehahahahahahah what a shit. i'd say 3/4 rush for food 1/4 love.
ReplyDeleteyou're probably right about that.
DeleteHaha so funny!
ReplyDeleteWww.johced-ourjourneytoeverywhere.blogspot.com
Xxx
Thanks, Johlet!
Deleteyou should write a book about the translation from man speak to real life speak! this was amazing.
ReplyDeleteand spot on. seriously, spot. on.
I agree that I should write a book. that would make me the happiest girl ever.
DeleteYou should have pooped on his pizza.
ReplyDeleteoh, totally.
Deletealso I just noticed you have a button so I'm putting yours up on my blog now :)
ReplyDeletethanks, Nikki!
DeleteWell did he kiss you first or put wings in his mouth? Whatever touched his face first is probably the winner.
ReplyDeletewings first! he maybe gave me a peck on the cheek when I opened the door, but he had a wing in his mouth pretty dang quick. after he ate it he tried to kiss me, but I don't kiss him when he has meat mouth going on.
DeleteThis is when you dust the Doritos with laxative, and casually remove all toilet paper from the bathroom vicinity. So yes, You are exceedingly, exceptionally, and whole heartedly right.
ReplyDeletehahahahhha. I like this evil little plan of yours. Love, in fact.
Delete