Wednesday, September 5, 2012

And then The Prince ogled a glistening jogger

Last night, while we were driving home from work together:

Me: "Whoa cowboy. Did you just turn your head to check out that jogger? And then continue to ogle her in your rearview mirror once we passed her? Is that why you just swerved the Jeep?"

The Prince: "I did no such thing."

Me: "Then why are your shithead dimples* showing?"

(*Shithead dimples are dimples on The Prince's face that only show up when he's being a shithead. Self explanatory, really, but I figured I would explain it anyway because, well, this is my blog and I am The Management here. Bitches.)

The Prince: "I don't know. I was looking at her shoes."

Me: "Her shoes. That's the story you're going with."

The Prince: "Yep. She was wearing green shoes."

Me: "She was also wonderfully tanned. And she was jogging in a bra and booty shorts on the side of the highway. Her skin was GLISTENING. Somehow I doubt your green shoe theory."

The Prince: "I barely looked at her. Don't even know what colour her hair was."

Me: "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T LOOKING AT HER HAIR."

The Prince: "Just because I've already put in my order doesn't mean I'm banned from browsing the menu."

Me: "WHERE DID YOU LEARN SUCH A TERRIBLE PHRASE?! I hate your coworkers right now."

The Prince: "HAHAHA."

Me: "Whatever, dumbass. You spotted her from far, far away. You honed in on your target and followed her ass all the way up until you drove by her, at which point you veered your head and also almost crashed the Jeep. THEN, because obviously that wasn't enough, you had to quickly glance toward the side mirrors so you could get a good stare at the front of her before she vanished into the distance. You're a monster. I'm sitting here beside you, trying to tell you about my day, and you're busy violating women on the side of the road with your eyeballs."

The Prince: "Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked..."

Me: "SO YOU ADMIT IT."

The Prince: "AT HER SHOES. I LOOKED AT HER SHOES."

Me: "No one believes that. No one."

The Prince: "You know what really isn't fair about this? Tomorrow morning, you're going to post about this on your stupid blog, and then all the women who read the post are going to gang up and rally agaisnt me for being an awful boyfriend. I'm NOT an awful boyfriend, but we both know that's how you're going to paint the picture."

Me: "I can neither confirm nor deny the possibility of such a thing happening."

The Prince: "Shithead dimples. You have them, too. You really do."

This post is clearly about picking sides. State yours in the comments, lovely people.

With thanks,

78 comments:

  1. I've chosen my side in this particular argument.

    Maybe next time he'll be a little more smooth, no?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Shoes? Seriously? Who the hell does he think he's kidding?!?! lol - Im with you babe!! Shithead dimples or not, guy was checkin' her out!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Omg this story is hilarious. The Management - will you please tell Mr. Shithead Dimples that his green shoes answer is just bad? No girlfriend would believe that because how many guys do you know look at a girl's shoes? He's just digging a nice deep grave for himself. However, I do love his respones, "Just because I've already put in my order doesn't mean I'm banned from browsing the menu."
    Oh and btw, I'm totally on your side. He was clearly checking her glistening body out. Green shoes? Kuddos for trying Mr. Shithead Dimples but no one is falling for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah... green shoes... more like nice boobs, amirite?

      Delete
  4. Haha, this is so funny. I love when your stories predict that they will end up on the blog. Because those chances are always *highly* likely. :)
    --Halie

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am not going to take a side but that comment about browsing the menu made me barf a little.

    Hugs!
    Kara
    ShawnKaraAndHeidi.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Those shithead dimples made me laugh-- I've seen them before but never called them that. But you appropriately described it. It only happens when that person is lying or trying to hide something. Those dimples just flash to the surface unconsciously. BIG telltale!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. absolutely. The Prince's shithead dimples come out pretty often.

      Delete
  7. lmfao! My boyfriend and I go through the exact conversation! Men are such asses! So obviously, I have to side with you! Bitches stick together (:

    <3

    ReplyDelete
  8. What dude looks at shoes on a woman? Nice try, Prince...nice try.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Maybe the glistening wasn't sweat. Maybe she's a vampire. I ogle all the time in front of my boyfriend and make pretty suggestive comments as to what I'd like to do to certain hotties, so I think it's okay when my boyfriend sneaks a peak! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaahah. count on you to call her a vampire!

      It's okay with me if he sneaks a peek, sure. I do it too. This was just particularly obvious, haha.

      Delete
  10. I'm still all for the Prince!! Sorry E, but us gingers gotta stick together, even if I'm his only fan!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you know, as I was writing this one, it actually crossed my mind that, if you read this post, you would side with your ginger bro. I KNEW IT, I JUST KNEW IT.

      Delete
    2. haha, i'm flattered you think of me when you write. :)

      and what do you mean by "if" i read it!? I'm offended that you think I don't read all your posts!

      You on the other hand.. how many hundreds of blogs do you follow again? Yeah that's right; that's what I thought... :P

      Delete
    3. hahahahahahaha.

      You read all my posts? G, my dear, I'M the one that's flattered.

      In other news, I do follow something like 300 blogs.

      Because I am so bored at my job. SO. BORED. Sometimes updates from 300 blogs just don't feel like enough. I'm also pretty trigger-happy with the "follow" button- which means I revise and update what I'm following on the regular.

      It is true, though, that I don't read every post from every blog, though when I make my way over to yours in particular, I read back so that I'm caught up. You're on the special list.

      But yes, I see your little jab, and truthfully, I did laugh out loud when I read it ;)

      Delete
    4. Well, friend, I would hope that your job one day becomes fun! And if not... maybe you'll hit 1000 blogs that you follow at some point. I'd be super impressed.

      Also, since we're now at the point where we've got that nice li'l blogger bond... I fully expect a place to crash if I ever find myself in Kelowna!

      Glad I could provide a little bit of sunshine during an otherwise dull work day :)

      Delete
    5. My job will improve when they make me the boss :)

      Blogger bond, hell yeah. You're welcome to crash at our place any time! :)

      Delete
  11. Haha. That's hilarious.
    You really do need your own show.

    Green shoes my ass.
    I wonder if they were really green though...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. why thanks Danielle :)

      I do also wonder if they were green. If so, I might want a pair of those.

      Delete
  12. I'm totally a checker outer! I'd be quite the hypocrite if I reamed your prince for "browsing the menu" (what a stellar saying btw). Not to say it's not a complete asshole thing to do but I'm very very guilty myself.

    I'm an asshole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ahhaah. I'm guilty too, I think we all are... just gotta be a little more subtle than a car-swerve, you know?

      Delete
    2. More subtle and stick with your story man! We already know you aren't in the market for new shoes. (re-insert nasty brown shoe picture)

      Delete
    3. yeeeeahh... he's not really a shoe connoisseur.

      Delete
  13. It's a valuable argument. Green shoes are rare. I would not believe him but the fact he knew they were green impresses me. Haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah... or he could have just said it to distract me, because he knows green is my favourite colour.... hmmm.

      Delete
  14. What a shithead! I usually ignore the minor check outs because I minor-ly check out people too. But a car swerve, green shoe excuse?! Bull! Must be called out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, I usually ignore it, too, but this one... NOPE.

      Delete
  15. My boyfriend has shithead dimples too.

    I was actually going to take his side because Andrew and I both enjoy admiring the opposite gender. But then the Prince chickened out and made up some green shoes excuse. The proper response from him should have been:

    "Yeah, she was hot, but she probably has herpes. Now where can I get that silver bracelet you wanted?"

    Conceding that ogling took place, mention the high probability of an STD, and offer an expensive gift; Bam, that's how you dig yourself out of a hole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. best comment ever. The Prince must read this one, pronto!

      Delete
    2. I was planning a witty comment - but then I read this and realized I was out of my league!!!

      Delete
    3. yeah... Christine pretty much takes the cake with that one.

      Delete
  16. I think it's men's nature to continue browsing...I always just happen to mention how Scotty is lucky none of them have come knockin' on our door... :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha yeah... that situation wouldn't be fun for anyone!

      Delete
  17. Haha, your stories are always so hilarious!! And that was a terrible excuse! Does he really think anyone would ever believe that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess so.... The Prince may not be the smartest cookie some days... ;)

      Delete
  18. I'm going to side with The Prince on this one because you make him eat WAAAAYYYY too many vegetables and not enough meat. I'm also siding with him using his crazy logic of looking at her shoes. Also, I like him using the crass logic of the menu analogy. Done and done. Score one for The Prince!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JEN.

      WE TALKED ABOUT YOU AND YOUR NONSENSE.

      STOOPPPPPP ITTTTTTT be on myyyyyyy siiiiddddeeee.

      Delete
    2. You shut your whore mouth. You love my nonsense and you know it.

      Delete
    3. true. I do. even if you call me a slutty joker.

      Delete
    4. A truer nickname was never given.

      Delete
  19. That is a HORRIBLE phrase and so not the right thing to say. I'm def on your side... mostly because I could NEVER be on the side of someone who says that. WHO SAYS THAT?!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah, I was pretty shocked. definitely something he picked up from the guys he works with. *shudders*

      Delete
  20. Totally on your side, unacceptable! You can let him know. You can definitely destroy his shoes now. Get even. Xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like you, Abelia, because sometimes you're a little bit evil and I love it.

      Delete
    2. Haha there is certainly an evil side to this coin! Xx

      Delete
  21. I'm pretty sure they take the menu completely away from you after you place your order for a reason. There's no changing it. His logic was flawed. =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaa. brilliant. thanks for pointing this out.

      Delete
  22. Tell him you took a poll. Nobody believes him. He owes you a foot rub, dinner whatever you choose

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, he just texted me to say that he's read the comments on this post and that he's not pleased... whaaaaat a sucker.

      Delete
  23. Thanks for all your comments on my blog! It makes me feel special because one 1.) You are funny (you already know that) and I really like that and 2.) You seem so super nice!
    --Halie

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm on your side. But in cases like this, I'm always on the girl's side. :) Loyalty, you know. Besides, as my Grandpa taught me since childhood: "All men are weasels."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. loyalty, yes.

      and also, your grandpa = awesome.

      Delete
  25. Hey...IIIII look, so I can't blame him for looking especially if the girl is hot. Hot is hot. Just tell him to get better at hiding it like everyone else. Help him practice and frog him in the arm every time you catch him doing it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. frog him? what does that mean? I'm intrigued...

      Delete
  26. Shoes? Oh dear! lol When we pass a good looking woman I ALWAYS look over at my husband to see if he's looking and he seems absolutely oblivious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahha. The Prince usually does, too.. this time, though... not so much.

      Delete
  27. So stealing that browsing the menu line!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Please tell me that "Just because I've already put in my order doesn't mean I'm banned from browsing the menu." is an honest to God statement!!

    Best. Line. Ever.

    Oh and my ex used the shoe line all the time. Whatever. Although, I do do that but 9/10 I AM looking at shoes... and clothes.. and hair. I check top to bottom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's an honest to God statement. He actually said that to me.

      and yeah... when I look, I'm ACTUALLY looking at the clothing!

      Delete
  29. I'm totally on your side because this is the 2nd post in a row where your "lovely" boyfriend put you in harms way. #1: trying to turn you into bear food...and now #2: almost driving you off a cliff (that's how I pictured this happening, so go with me here) just to see this glistening naked jogging woman strut by. FOR SHAME!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahha yeah. he's totally in the doghouse.

      Delete
  30. I'm so on your side! G does this too, and it's like, I'm right here, at least don't be so obvious! And if he tried that menu browsing line, he'd get slapped pretty hard. Actually I just wouldn't cook or wash the dishes for about a week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not cooking or washing the dishes is probably much more effective than a slap, amirite? ;)

      Delete
  31. Whahahaha you've almost got me peeing my pants here!
    So funny!
    And I am totally on your side! Do they really think we can't see them eyeballing other chicks??? pffft!

    Your latest follower!

    http://johced-ourjourneytoeverywhere.blogspot.com/
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. heey Johlet, so glad to have you here :)

      Delete

Thanks for commenting, lovely human.