Last night, while we were driving home from work together:
Me: "Whoa cowboy. Did you just turn your head to check out that jogger? And then continue to ogle her in your rearview mirror once we passed her? Is that why you just swerved the Jeep?"
The Prince: "I did no such thing."
Me: "Then why are your shithead dimples* showing?"
(*Shithead dimples are dimples on The Prince's face that only show up when he's being a shithead. Self explanatory, really, but I figured I would explain it anyway because, well, this is my blog and I am The Management here. Bitches.)
The Prince: "I don't know. I was looking at her shoes."
Me: "Her shoes. That's the story you're going with."
The Prince: "Yep. She was wearing green shoes."
Me: "She was also wonderfully tanned. And she was jogging in a bra and booty shorts on the side of the highway. Her skin was GLISTENING. Somehow I doubt your green shoe theory."
The Prince: "I barely looked at her. Don't even know what colour her hair was."
Me: "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T LOOKING AT HER HAIR."
The Prince: "Just because I've already put in my order doesn't mean I'm banned from browsing the menu."
Me: "WHERE DID YOU LEARN SUCH A TERRIBLE PHRASE?! I hate your coworkers right now."
The Prince: "HAHAHA."
Me: "Whatever, dumbass. You spotted her from far, far away. You honed in on your target and followed her ass all the way up until you drove by her, at which point you veered your head and also almost crashed the Jeep. THEN, because obviously that wasn't enough, you had to quickly glance toward the side mirrors so you could get a good stare at the front of her before she vanished into the distance. You're a monster. I'm sitting here beside you, trying to tell you about my day, and you're busy violating women on the side of the road with your eyeballs."
The Prince: "Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked..."
Me: "SO YOU ADMIT IT."
The Prince: "AT HER SHOES. I LOOKED AT HER SHOES."
Me: "No one believes that. No one."
The Prince: "You know what really isn't fair about this? Tomorrow morning, you're going to post about this on your stupid blog, and then all the women who read the post are going to gang up and rally agaisnt me for being an awful boyfriend. I'm NOT an awful boyfriend, but we both know that's how you're going to paint the picture."
Me: "I can neither confirm nor deny the possibility of such a thing happening."
The Prince: "Shithead dimples. You have them, too. You really do."
This post is clearly about picking sides. State yours in the comments, lovely people.