Me: "I'm starting to feel like a beluga whale."
The Prince: "What?"
Me: "You know, a beluga whale. Big, pasty, and full of blubber."
|Like these guys.|
The Prince: "Sweetie, don't say things like that."
Me: "Seriously dude, the insides of my thighs feel chaffed right now, and I'm pretty sure all I've done today is walk aimlessly around Wal-Mart and the grocery store."
The Prince: "What? When did you go to Wal-Mart?"
Me: "This morning after I dropped you off at work. I needed toning shampoo for my formerly blonde hair because an article I read a few days ago suggested that maybe my hair is brassy as fuck."
The Prince: "Oh. Did you get the shampoo?"
Me: "No. I felt too icky. I bought a bag of goldfish crackers instead."
The Prince: "Really."
Me: "Yeah. They're kind of my go-to binge food."
The Prince: "Oh, I'm aware."
Me: "It was the beluga whale thing, you know? It was in my head when I bought them. Well, and I guess it was in my head when I ate them all, too. I actually ate them all. I don't even know how it happened."
The Prince: "Kitten, it's okay."
Me: "Do beluga whales in the wild eat goldfish? I bet they totally do. It's official, my beluga status is certified."
The Prince: "I'm going to get your running shoes. We're going for a jog."
Me: "But what about my thighs? What if they spark up and start a fire?"
The Prince: "I don't care. I'm way more concerned with the fact that you think scarfing down an entire bag of goldfish crackers is the solution to thigh chaffing and feeling icky."
Me: "DON'T SAY SCARFING. That sounds so disgusting, it makes it sound like I poured them into my mouth or something."
The Prince: "And did you?"
Me: "No! I may have eaten the whole bag, but I ate the whole bag LIKE A LADY."