While rushing to leave for work:
Me: "Okay, are you ready to leave?"
The Prince: "Yep, I think so."
Me: "Get the keys, we're outta here."
The Prince *feeling his face*: "Do you think I need to shave?"
Me: "It doesn't matter if you do, I'm supposed to be at work right now. We are super late. Let's go."
The Prince: "But do I look like a dirty greaseball?"
Me: "No, come on, move along."
The Prince: "I think I'm gonna shave. Hang on."
Me: "NOOOOOOOO. Why do you ALWAYS do this to me?!"
The Prince: "I'm sorry! I work with people! I can't look dirty!"
Me: "Whoa whoa whoa. You work with people? What are implying? Are you saying I work with chimps or something? And what do you MEAN you can't look dirty? Are you saying that I LOOK DIRTY?!?!"
The Prince: "No! I'm just trying to shave! Shut up, I need to focus."
Me: "I think you use way too much shaving cream, for the record. You look like Santa. GINGER Santa."
The Prince: "Can you just go eat some cereal or something? As in get out of the damn bathroom?"
Me: "No can do, my dear. I feel I have to stay here and apply pressure to the situation, because if I don't, you might dilly-dally."
The Prince: "Did you just say 'dilly-dally'?"
The Prince: "I knew you were older than me, cougar of mine, but wow, now you're my grandmother."
Me: "YOU ARE SUCH A JERK."
The Prince: "Who says dilly-dally? Seriously? Who, other than you?"
Me: "All the cool kids? I don't know, but you have shaving cream inside your ear at this point."
The Prince: "No I don't."
Me: "Yes you do, ginger Santa."
The Prince: "Don't call me that!"
Me: "DON'T DILLY-DALLY."
The Prince: "Calm down. It's not like you're ever on time for work anyway."
Me: "Who ARE you? My mother?!"
The Prince: "Perhaps, but you're still a grandma for saying 'dilly-dally.'"
Me: "Screw this, I'm going to go get in the Jeep."
The Prince: "Careful, it's kind of a high vehicle to get into- wouldn't want to break a hip."
Me: "GINGER SANTA."
And I'm not even kidding, you guys: it's like this every morning.