Friday, August 31, 2012

Some things I said this week

1) "Dad, you're being unreasonable. It's not my fault that you don't know how to properly decorate your own bulletin boards in your own classroom. I can't come home from Kelowna to help you get ready for the first day of school. Just go to the craft store by yourself. It will be okay. It will. No, you can't just cover the boards in old newspapers."

2) "I hurt my back while I was washing my hair. I'm certain that our shower is trying to kill me. Also, I might be eighty."

3) "Today at work, I read the plot descriptions of all four of the Hannibal Lecter movies. I've always been too chicken to watch them, but I was curious, so I read about them in detail. As it turns out, that was a bad idea. I'm too fucking terrified to go to sleep right now."

4) "Eating mint chocolate chip ice cream is not the same as brushing your teeth. No. It's not. I don't care how minty it is."

5) "I had the weirdest dream. There was this cat, and it kept attacking my arms. I'd try to fling it off me but it was latched on. And then there was a giant cake fight; people were smashing cake all over. And then I was swimming, but I was swimming in concrete, not water. Did you get me stoned last night without me noticing?"

6) "Did you just ask me if Stevie Nicks was in the band Styx? YOU ARE THE DUMBEST PERSON ALIVE. What do you think, they go together because they RHYME? Unbelievable. Honestly, sweetie, this is the worst question you've ever asked anyone, I guarantee it."

7) "I don't have any granola bars in my desk. No, I don't. Okay. Fine. I do. I have a granola bar, but that's not what this phone call is about. This phone call is about you going to get me a bagel. With cream cheese. And then delivering it to my work. A granola bar is not going to cut it."

8) "THEY HAVE WATERMELON BEER. I don't even like beer, but the fact that this beer is watermelon flavoured makes me feel like I have to buy it. A whole case. And then when I don't like it, I'll make you drink the rest. Sound good?"

9) "Let's go to Vancouver this weekend. It will probably only cost us my whole entire paycheck, but I see no issues with this. Also, there's a Tiffany store there. I know because I looked it up."

10) "You said you'd give me a back massage, but you didn't. You dumped some cream on my back, slopped it around with one hand and then you fell asleep. Oh, and for the record, it's not true that candles make everything romantic. I know you think it is, but it's not."

Happy Friday,

18 comments:

  1. Thanks for the smile. My rough day needed this.

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  2. I hurt my back while I was washing my hair. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Breath... BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  3. Ohhh, not knowing who Stevie Nicks is might be the worst thing I've heard today. I might be her biggest (only) fan left, but that is just wrong!

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  4. #4.... ha hahaha ha! I can only imagine...

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  5. Why am I the only one commenting on this new headliner thing? Have I missed the initiation post for this magnifect little thing? I am proud to be one of these 18 people. And I'm glad the number has jumped from 7 to 18 and that there are now sharks.

    I will gladly go decorate your father's bulletin boards. If he pays for my plane ticket that is. And the decorations. And my hotel bill because I'm not sure I would survive staying anywhere near your house because I'd laugh too much.

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    1. new header's been up for a few days- glad you've taken notice :)

      I too am happy about the sharks.

      I will text my dad and tell him his choices for bulletin board decoration are either to pay for a flight from new york or one from kelowna.

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  6. So funny!
    OMG. I hurt my back today, NOT even sure how. I'm pretty sure I'm eighty too!
    Happy Weekend!

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    1. hahah. yeah... I'm aging pretty quickly these days.

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  7. I'm impressed that the Prince even knows Stevie Nicks and Styx considering his age haha. Styx just had a free concert at a festival at a town nearby a couple of weeks ago. Kinda sad for them, I think, considering they were touring last year and probably making a lot more money.

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    1. You have a point with his age.

      Tons of those older bands have free shows all the time... they're probably just happy to play for a crowd, regardless.

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  8. Mint chocolate chip ice-cream definitely counts as brushing your teeth.

    Also I literally can't imagine watermelon beer. Watermelon slush puppies keep popping into my head instead.

    I need to make a serious effort to stop commenting only about food...

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    1. I do the same with other blogs. My comments are ALWAYS about food...

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  9. My boyfriend found BANANA BREAD BEER a couple of weeks ago! Can you imagine! Mmmmm banana bread + beer, two of my favourite things. Speaking of, I am buying a one piece swimsuit that makes me look like a glass of beer. I thought you would think this is cool.

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Thanks for commenting, lovely human.