Friday, August 24, 2012

Some things I said this week

1) "Hi mom. Yes, that is a good price for Larabars. Yeah. You should buy them. Okay. You DO realize it's like 5am for me right now, don't you? Calls at 5am are for when someone is dying, not for when you see Larabars on sale."

2) "Can we just have ice cream for dinner? Ravioli sounds good, sure, but ice cream is really all I want."

3) "Did you SERIOUSLY just drop that baking sheet on the floor in protest? What are you, four? I fear for our future children. They are going to be the most stubborn, disrespectful little shits ever created."

4) "I just need you to be quiet. I'm sorry it's taking me more than 30 seconds to pick out a good conditioner, but this is important to me like cereal selection is important to you, so shut up."

5) "You are an hour and a half late. AN HOUR AND A HALF. Don't tell me my anger is unreasonable, jerkstore, just take me home and make me dinner. And buy me a cherry slushie. Now."

6) "Noooo. That wasn't the alarm, you're making it up. I'm not going. I'm not going to work today. Or tomorrow. Or ever. I'm saying in bed. Throw the box of Cheerios over here before you leave, okay?"

7) "SCREW THIS. It's 4am. She (our landlord's teenage daughter that lives above our apartment) is still playing that same sad, stupid song. I don't care if she just got dumped, can you PLEASE go up there and tell her that NOBODY CARES? She's 14. Breakups don't warrant this behaviour when you're 14. She is not going to have a good time when she's 20."

8) "I'm sorry, sweetie, but if you're going to eat tuna, you're going to have to do it outside."

9) "Did you steal my lip balm? Are you sure? Why are your lips so smooth? Why are you smirking? Are you trying to be pretty again?"

10) "You just said that the peanut butter cookies I made for you are MUSHY. 'Mushy' is not a positive descriptor in my book, so you're sleeping on the couch tonight. That's how things work here. It's like that old saying, you know? If you don't have anything nice to say, YOU SLEEP ON THE COUCH."

Happy Friday,

36 comments:

  1. I fear for your children. But I look forward to this post and the laughter it brings me.

    Hugs!
    Kara
    ShawnKaraAndHeidi.blogspot.com

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  2. Now as hysterical as you. Now as much as you make me laugh. now as much as those two things are the same damn thing.

    what I marvel at is how you can recall the things you've said through out the week. I can't even remember what I wrote at the beginning of this comment.

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    Replies
    1. I write things down:

      'HHAHHAA THAT WAS SO FUNNY GET ME A PEN'

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  3. HAHAH!! I love the conversation with your mom. Mine would do the exact same thing at 5am!

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  4. Lol! #8 is one of my signature phrases to my H. I hate the smell of tuna!
    Have a Happy Friday :)

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  5. "If you don't have anything nice to say, YOU SLEEP ON THE COUCH."
    HAHAHAHHAAHAHHA All boys should learn that at a very young age.

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  6. HAHAHA I despise tuna so I'm on board with that one. Ugh!

    And sleeping on the couch... I may have to borrow that one.

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  7. That tuna comment happens a lot in our house.

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  8. Ice cream for dinner is awesome. Should be more socially accepted, if you ask me.

    And I loooove "if you don't have anything nice to say, you sleep on the couch." Genius idea!

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    Replies
    1. I agree. nothing wrong with ice cream for dinner.

      and yeah.. the couch comment... works like a charm.

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  9. Number 2 and number 8...so totally with you on those! Fish is stinky and ice cream should be eaten for every meal!

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  10. Joe drops things in protest too! Pisses me off!
    Also, I hate when bf's are late. Drives me nuts .It really does warrant a dinner making.
    Also, also, let's both never go to work again.

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  11. I think I have said all of these things in some form or another to my mother and boyfriend. She likes to call me at 8:30am on my one Saturday a month that I'm off work. Sometimes she calls me at 6am. And we live in the same time zone. She only lives 40 minutes away... she knows what time it is.

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    Replies
    1. "she knows what time it is"..... biotch. ;)

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  12. My grandma calls me all the time at the earliest hours! It drives me crazy, doesn't she know I enjoy my sleep.

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    Replies
    1. hahaah, it's like they just don't care!

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  13. Haha this sounds like a hilarious week. As for number 6, that's how I feel EVERY single morning.

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  14. #4 and #10 I'm pretty sure I said this week. lol

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  15. Love the sleeping on the couch rule. Funny, I wanted to stay in bed and eat lucky charms today. What shitpool did we draw the short stick out of to have to be grown ups and go to work anyway?

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  16. Omg I don't even know where to start. I LOVE # 4. Buying conditioner is a huge commitment because you are going to be stuck with it for months, so it totally warrants the long wait time.
    I also love # 10 - "If you don't have anything nice to say, YOU SLEEP ON THE COUCH". In fact, i think i'm stealing it from you. It's officially in my book of awesome things to say. =)

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    1. ahhaa. So glad to be in your book of awesome things to say ;)

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  17. I like that saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, you sleep on the couch." One of the best yet.

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Thanks for commenting, lovely human.