I pierced my own tongue once

Well, it was actually my tongue web.

You know, the little webby part underneath your tongue.

Google if you must.

I did it in the 11th grade.

Because my friend did it first and I wanted to be badass, too.

Pierced it with a push pin.

Yep.

May or may not have been high at the time.

I was going through a phase.

Took me over an hour to get a barbell in it after the inital stabbing was over.

Then my entire mouth swelled up, and I was slurring my speech for a week.

Somehow, my parents did not find out about my self-mutilation.

Amazing, I know.

Once it healed, I had this gross habit of somehow pulling the barbell through my teeth.

I am an animal.

Anyway, one day in English class, I was pulling the barbell.

And then I felt a snap in my mouth.

And the barbell was out.

Because I had just snapped my tongue web in half.

Was not a good time.

True story.

 I am cool as hell.

Best,