Wednesday, August 22, 2012

And then I saw a terrible crime but actually not really

During one of our arguments conversations earlier this week, The Prince and I started a new contest between the two of us.

The jyst: I have to shave my legs every day for the rest of August, whereas The Prince has to do something romantic every day for the rest of August.

How did this happen, you ask? Let me tell you:

Me: "You never do anything romantic anymore."

The Prince: "You never shave your legs anymore."

And so, this new contest was born.

As an aside, don't go assuming that my legs are disgustingly hairy or anything- it's just that I like to take a few days off between shaving them, mostly because our shower is a death trap of steam and OH REMEMBER THAT TIME I PASSED OUT IN THERE? Yeah.

Anyway, last night, The Prince's romantic gesture was to take me down to the edge of the lake to watch the sunset.

We sat on a bench and watched the sky get all pretty and shit, and then, surprise, it got dark.

We kept sitting there, though, cuddling and holding hands, because, you know, romance.

I should mention, though, that I am terrified of this lake. Why? Because there's lots of gang activity where we live and they pull bodies out of the lake frequently.

I am not even shitting you right now.

At some point, I noticed a boat speeding across the lake.

Me: "Whoa, isn't it way too dark right now to be boating?"

The Prince: "Yeah, and especially at that speed. Dude is motoring."

Me: "He's slowing down out there... weird, he's totally stopping in the middle of the lake."

The Prince: "That's not that weird."

Me: "Um, stopping in the middle of the lake once it's really dark? We are absolutely witnessing a crime right now. Ten bucks says there's a body being hurled over the far side of that boat."

The Prince: "No way, it's still early. Too many people are out."

Me: "It's still too dark to see any body-hurlage."

The Prince: "Please, stop it. I'm trying to be romantic over here, and you're being crazy."

Me: "FINE, but when I get to work in the morning and the first thing I hear about is how they pulled another body out of the lake, we'll just SEE who wins this argument."

The Prince: "Ooooh my goodness. Come on, we're leaving. Let's go dip our toes in at the pier before we leave."

Me: "Oh HELL to the no. I'm not dipping my toes in dead body water. Nope nope nope."

The Prince: "You are IMPOSSIBLE."

Me: "But my legs are smooth!"

Regards,


70 comments:

  1. "I am not even shitting you right now. " It's probably the funniest thing that's going to happen in my world all day, my eyes were watering. I have no idea why.

    P.S. I was driving that boat. Oh and I'm shitting you.

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    Replies
    1. haaha, I'm so glad you liked that line.

      P.S. HILARIOUS.

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  2. i love this contest, and i love how you watched the sky get all pretty and shit haha. too funny

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  3. Total body-hurlage going on. And you witnessed it. I'm kind of jealous.

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  4. Smooth legs...nothing beats 'em.
    You guys are priceless...honestly.

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    Replies
    1. :) :) :)

      the smooth legs, though.... soooo much worrrkkkk wwwhhhhyyyyy?

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  5. Nothing more romantic than watching a body dump...that really gets me going

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  6. ~AND? AND?? Was there a body pulled out the next morning???

    You can't leave us hanging like this!

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    Replies
    1. Not that I have heard of, yet..... but I'm keeping my eye on the local news site, don't you worry.

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  7. Everyday? That is more romance and leg shaving than I could ever handle.

    Tara
    Penniless Socialite

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    Replies
    1. Thankfully August is over next Friday. I might survive it.

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  8. I would totally shave my legs everyday if it assured me some romance! But it has to be real romance. Andrew's version of romance is buying me a target so "we can go shoot it together, since you don't like killing things."

    Fingers crossed that no body is found. Although if it was weighed down, it could take a while for it to get discovered...

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    1. Andrew's version of romance sort of matches with things The Prince wants to do. Thankfully, one of the rules is that I have to AGREE that the romance is romantic, haha.

      I really really hope there is no body. I get creeped out just looking at the lake sometimes.

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  9. One word for you...Dexter. That's how he dumped his bodies for a long time. True story. Well, it is a fictional show, but still, you get the idea. If he fails, you tell him you're going to go into "no shave November" two months early. That'll learn him.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, we discussed the whole Dexter thing on the drive home.

      no shave November is totally my favourite because I am bad at being a girl.

      well, no, not really.... just bad at complying with things that I know The Prince appreciates.

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    2. And that's why we're long lost button pushing besties.

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  10. Dead bodies in the lake. The fact that this happens regularly enough for you guys to be all "ehh" about it is kind of creepy. Then again, I'm fascinated by serial killers and am obsessed with Dexter so, uh.. yea.

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    Replies
    1. hahaha, I'm fascinated by it too.

      Also terrified.

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  11. I completely share your non shaven legs.... I only do mine every couple days in the summer .. and in the winter... maybe a week or so. I don't see how I can have done it for 20 years, and STILL cut myself!

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    Replies
    1. yeah, I cut myself every time, usually on the backs of my knees or my poor ankles. I have scars. Thankfully I'll get lots of practice between now and next Friday. NOT.

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  12. Too funny!! :) Now I really have to follow you.

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  13. How did I not know of this blog before?!?! You crack me up.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! That's my life goal, pretty much.

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  14. I need to have a contest like this with my beloved shithead :)

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    Replies
    1. get on it, girl. you will win, I just know it ;)

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  15. First of all.. creepy about the lake.
    That is actually a really good idea. I seriously just got in an argument last night with Joe because I was like 'you never say romantic, special things to me! I never see you!" I never shave my legs.. they are disgustingly hairy. Maybe I should try and shave.. hm

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    Replies
    1. haah, make sure you bargain before you shave them!

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  16. That is super funny - "Hell to the no"!. New follower and I have had fun browsing around your blog. We have a comedian on our hands.

    www.atravelingwife.blogspot.com

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  17. Hahaha this is too cute. I admit I get tired of shaving everyday! It’s legitimate annoyance. But I think my boyfriend (who is annoyingly romantic as it is), would love this little game haha. I on the other hand would not.

    P.S. completely agree F-to the-uck that! no dead body water. no thanks.

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    1. yeeeahhh, not very happy that dead body water was part of our little date.

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  18. Hahah! I love this! I am so happy you found me and then I found you!

    Definitely made me laugh, a lot!

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  19. What a lovely contest. I'd shave my legs three times a day if my man accessory would do romantic things for me. But then I'd end up with some pretty nasty looking legs and he'd probably back out anyways.

    p.s. keep us posted on the dead body news...on one hand I hope you win on the other, dead bodies are never a good thing.

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  20. That's totally creepy and I 100% agree about not putting toes in dead body water! Ew!
    And good luck with that shaving of the legs contest. That's rough!

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  21. Replies
    1. that's a great fucking question.

      this is why I like you.

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  22. You sound just like me! HILARIOUS! Thanks for stopping by my blog today!

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  23. See, this is why I don't swim in lakes. Even the ocean is freaky, because Canadian oceans are so murky.I mean, they keep finding FEET floating around. WHAT IF I STEPPED ON A FOOT THAT WASN'T ATTACHED TO A LEG?

    I grew up in the Caribbean and that was better. The time that I found a decapitated hammer head shark head on the sea floor I found it with my eyes and NOT MY FEET.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah.. the lakes up here seem to be littered with body parts lately.

      You found a decapitated hammer head shark? I smell a blog post.

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  24. AWESOME post, as always! Your writing makes me laugh to myself at work :D

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  25. HAHAHA but all that matters is you both tried to keep up your end of the bargain, dead body or no dead body.

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    Replies
    1. good point. it's the little things, haha.

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  26. ahhaha you have such a way with your words! love this!

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  27. For sure a body!! hahaha I love this!

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    1. haah Jessica, I love how you always agree with me :)

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  28. I am so glad i found your blog, this was hilarious! of course when you try for romance, the focus goes to dead bodies. sound like the format for everything romantic ive ever done. he tries, and i fixate on something weird. so hilarious

    b

    www.seacreaturess.blogspot.com

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    1. ahah, yeah, fixating on weird things is kind of my forte.

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  29. Who the hell shaves their legs every damn day?! Seriously please tell me. Cause I sure as hell don't. Maybe escorts?

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    1. I'm not ACTUALLY shaving them every day. I'm just SAYING I am.

      because I'm a liar, apparently.

      Delete
  30. You are even funnier and crazier (nice crazier, hehe) than I remember. You should totally write an action book, you've got a rich imagination :)

    Thanks for your lovely comment on my blog, it made my day!

    xoxo

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    1. so glad to have you back in the comments! :)

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  31. I think these thoughts every time I see a car on the side of the road in NJ. Definite mafia body dumping activities.

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  32. Hahha. It was clearly Dexter out there about to dump some body parts.

    But hey, your legs are shaved...there is one upside to the night!

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  33. Oh my God. This blog has made my life. Keep documenting EVERYTHING. Okay? Good. LOVE FROM SOUTH AFRICA - OH SO MUCH LOVE!

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    1. ahhaha, thanks Nicole, so glad to have you here!

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Thanks for commenting, lovely human.