Thursday, August 30, 2012

And then I called my dad a dick

Earlier this summer (you guys, it's still summer) The Prince and I traveled back to Ontario to see our families.

On the day of our flight, my dad called me early in the morning:

My dad: "Hi. I just got your car out of the shed, where it's been stored..."

Me: "That's great, make sure to bring it to airport tonight, I want to drive it home."

My dad: "Well, see, here's the thing, the air conditioning doesn't seem to be working."

Me: "WHAT? My car is pratically BRAND NEW, there's no reason for the air conditioning to not be working."

My dad: "I guess you'll just have to do without the AC while you're driving it this week, your highness."

Me: "Ummm, no. Call the dealership, tell them the issue, and take it there to have it fixed before I get home tonight. It's under warranty."

My dad: "I can't. I have a lot of things on the roster for today. I'm a busy guy. I'm in demand."

Me: "DAD. You are a TEACHER, and it's JULY. You don't even have a job right now. Just take the car in. Ten bucks says you're going to spend the day watering the trees or something else just as stupid."

My dad: "No can do. I'm a farmer too, you know, I have a lot of land to look after. The trees probably do need a drink. And I have a tee time for golf later this afternoon."

Me: "Dad, please just do this for me. I can hear the smirk in your voice right now. It's so hot out, I can't drive that thing all over southwestern Ontario with no AC."

My dad: "Naaaah, I'm good."

Me : "You, sir, are a DICK. I'm calling mom now. Bye."

So then I called my mother, who was in the house at the time, instead of out in the shed where my dad was:

Me: "Hi mom. Dad's being a dick. Can you make him go get my car's AC fixed today? Before our flight gets in? It's important to me."

My mom: "Of course. I will take care of it. But please, honey, don't call your father a dick. That's such a foul thing to say. He's a good man. He's outside with a hose, I think he's going to water the trees or something. I'm making him a sandwich right now for lunch. If you're really upset, you might try convincing me to spit in his food, I could be up for that."

So, anyway, by the time I got that sorted out and was done slamming my head against the wall because apparently my parents don't understand that RAIN waters trees, it was time to head to the airport. Seven hours later, The Prince and I were finally home, my car had been fixed, and we were sitting in my parents' kitchen. We gave my mom and dad gifts that we had brought.

After his present had been opened, my dad goes:

"Okay, well, thanks. You can go back to Kelowna now, we've opened our gifts."

To which my mom goes:

"WOW. You ARE a dick."

My dad's response:

"I am what I am."

Sincerely,

28 comments:

  1. So I love the fact that your mom MIGHT be willing to spit in his sandwich...LOVE LOVE LOVE! If your mom blogged, I'd probably follow her! LOL

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    1. hahaa. Yeah, her blog would totally be better than mine.

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    2. "If your mom blogged, I'd probably follow her!" BAH! Love it!

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  2. I'm sending the adoption papers now. We MUST be related or become related. Either one. Love your parents.

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    1. ahhaa. Okay. I'll call my mom and ask her what she thinks.

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  3. Your dad cracks me right up. I love these stories.

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  4. Hahaha! I think the worst I've called my dad is jerkface. I love your parents and the relationship you all have.

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    1. Yes, calling him a dick was a big step up from my usual dad insults.

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  5. hahaha! I love it when older people say, "What a foul thing to say!". Must have felt good to see your mom realize you were right!

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  6. Haha I would have called him the same thing. Because you're right. Rain actually does water the trees.

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  7. I wish you had a television show. You're very entertaining. I always look forward to your posts, especially when it has to do with your Dad.

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    1. ahha, me too! I would love a tv show! And yeah, people seem to like the dad posts.

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  8. Wow. Well there is so much to say about this post, but I'll just say Why can't it be fall yet?!?? I'm tired of summer! :)

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  9. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Great story. Love it :-)

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  10. I think you have super cool parents!!

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    1. most people do. They're weird as hell though, trust me.

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  11. Im cryin' over here!! this is hillarious. I love your mom....btw, you're officially nominated....expect more peeps tellin' you that you rock. Cause you do ;-)

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    1. haha, Thanks Helen! Glad you're crying the tears of laughter.

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  12. Replies
    1. happily. what time can you pick them up?

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Thanks for commenting, lovely human.