Monday, August 20, 2012

And that voicemail disaster is how I know it's Monday

Alright, so, it's still considerably early here in sunny British Columbia.

I'm not sure why I just told you that, given that "earliness" isn't really a good enough excuse for the idiocy I'm about to let you in on. 

The Prince has the day off from work, which means he's currently at home playing Skyrim in his underwear and NOT folding the clean laundry as instructed, I'm sure of it.

Because it's his day off, he didn't make any coffee this morning. When I went to leave the apartment, I said:

"You do realize that you not making any coffee is going to result in some serious work mistakes on my part, and I'm going to blame those mistakes on not having coffee, and then I'm going to blame not having coffee on you, and then wouldn't you know it, it's all your fault."

The Prince's response?

"Okay cutie, have fun at work."

ANYWAY, when I arrived at work about an hour ago, I rushed to make an important call.

The guy I was calling didn't answer, so I left him a voicemail:

"Hi James, it's 'The Management' calling from The Place I Work At. I was hoping you could send me X and also X this morning so I can get started on that new project. You can call me back at... oh, no. *long pause as I frantically try to Google the phone number of the place I work at* Um, James? Yeah, I'm still here. I just forgot the number of the place I work at. Hang on. *long pause while I frantically try to find one of my own business cards, where the phone number will certainly be* Okay, okay, I got it. It's 555-666-7777. I'm really sorry about that. Is it Monday morning or what? *sheepish laugh* I swear I'm not an idiot, I just need coffee. Talk to you soon. Bye."

And that voicemail disaster is how I know it's Monday AND how I know that I'm going to totally win the obvious upcoming argument with The Prince when I get home because I was SO RIGHT I AM ALWAYS RIGHT.

After I hung up the phone, one of my co-workers walked up behind me, patted me on the back and was like:

"Maybe you could write the business number down on a sticky note and stick it to your desk?"

To which I was like:

"Maybe you could SHUT YOUR FACE."

Also, this is the text I just sent The Prince: "Hi, Skyrim-playing asshole. I'll have you know that I just made a work mistake because I didn't have any coffee. Remember what that means? Bad things. It means BAD THINGS FOR YOU. You will hereby make coffee every morning without fail until I'm dead and cold. Love youuuu."

And I'll have all of you know, if ANYONE who comments suggests that maybe I should just make my own damn coffee in the morning, the world will probably just be over. Like, over. OVER.

Here's to Monday mornings,

38 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry I had to laugh...this is so so Monday and the Prince totally should have made you coffee this morning!

    And, I always feel that I am right too. I just am. I know everything. I think you know everything too!

    P.S. I've forgotten my old job's phone number. I wasn't leaving a voicemail when it happened but it was with a live person. It was awkward, luckily a co-worker said it out loud for me from across the room. Super awkward.

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    1. hahha, we SO know everything ;)

      P.S. you forgot it with a live person? hha. go you.

      Delete
  2. Coffee is definitely a necessity for Monday mornings... how dare he not make it for you... He should be MORE willing to make it considering he has the day off!

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    1. I know, right? Please come to my apartment and educate my boyfriend.

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  3. And THAT is why my office phone number is written on a sticky note attached to my phone.

    And coffee is VERY important!

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    1. ahhaaa, yeah.... my business cards are much more handy now...

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  4. Just discovered you because somehow you discovered me and I'm so glad I did....er...you did. Whatever. Happy to laugh along with you!

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  5. Hahahaha I do this all the time! I seriously always freak out because I can't remember the first 3. Is it 255 or 259? Stupid phone number. At least you didn't start laughing at yourself. I did that exact thing once and couldn't find the number so I started laughing hysterically. Like, so hard I was crying. IN THE MESSAGE. It wasn't a Monday so I have no excuse for my stupidity.

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    1. you're right, phone numbers are so stuuuuppiiiidd.

      Laughing til crying is always a good thing, message or no message!

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  6. LOL! "okay cutie, have fun at work"
    that seriously reminds me of what Joe would do. I'll be totally pissed and he'll just respond all nice like. I hate that!!!!
    I hate monday mornings. This morning all I wanted was to stop at the gas station for a red bull but Joe didn't want to stop (my car is out of commission or I could have taken my own ass there!) so I am drinking our shitty work coffee right now. It tastes like burnt shit. :(
    Hope your day is getting better!!!!!

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    1. yeah, the whole "burnt shit" factor is the exact reason I am not drinking work coffee right now.

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  7. I won free coffee for a year last December. I don't make my own coffee either. Yet today was my day off, and my boyfriend's first day back at school, so I made HIM coffee. And instead of cleaning the kitchen on his days off, my boyfriend also plays any video game he can think of... including skyrim. Slackers.

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    1. Look at you, being a sweetheart, making coffee for your slacker boyfriend.

      I hear you, gurrrrl.

      Delete
  8. Sometimes I forget my own number. No good reason. Then I just stare at whoever asked and pretend like I didn't hear them so I have time to think of it before they ask again.

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  9. I completely agree with you 100%. As for the co-worker, that would have been an appropriate time for a "You shut your bitch mouth" comment.

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    1. you're so right. next time, jen. next time.

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  10. "he's currently at home playing Skyrim in his underwear and NOT folding the clean laundry as instructed, I'm sure of it."

    THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FIND MY BOYFRIEND EVERYDAY WHEN I COME HOME FROM WORK. No joke. Playing Skyrim, in boxers, with a pile of unfolded laundry on the couch next to him. I'm going to take that Skyrim game and break it OR I'll put it under the laundry so when he cant' find the game he'll hopefully fold the laundry THEN when hes done it will be there, like a reward for good behavior.

    Hope you got some coffee eventually!

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    1. hahaahah, "like a reward for good behaviour".

      Love it.

      Delete
  11. Haha! Yup, that sounds about like something I would do. Also awesome? "Hi, this is Natalie calling from The Place I Used to Work... Wait, that's not right. I'm calling from Actual Place I work... OK, bye!" Coffee should be in hand before a darn thing gets done in the AM.

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    1. yeeahhhh I've done that one too- why can I not remember anything about the place I work at? Oohhh riiight... because I haaaaate it..... gotcha ;)

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  12. Argh! Always. I seriously refuse to do anything until the coffee kicks in because of numerous situations exactly like that.
    Boyfriend bought me a keurig so I can put one little cup in and press one button. And I don't have to clean anything. He's a genius.

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    1. ooooooh, methinks I have to start nagging The Prince for a keurig ;)

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  13. So, ummm?? You're hilarious. I'm glad you commented on my blog so that I could come over here and experience the hilarity.

    :)

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  14. It's ok, I didn't recognize my own face this morning.

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  15. Just found your blog thru The Daily Tay & I love it. You're Canadian? Perf. You're sassy, sarcastic and can't function without coffee? Excellent, I think we will be great bloggy friends. This morning at my boyfriend's place, he was out of coffee beans, so we had to LEAVE THE APT to get coffee. 1) this made me very grumpy, 2) I did not look my bestest, 3) fuck that shit. I want it delivered hot and steaming in bed! Preferably by said boyfriend. Haha glad you made it through your Monday... you DID chug some coffee before lunchtime right?! i'm excited to read more! ~eatplaylovethattop.com

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    1. hahaha, I AM Canadian along with all the other lovely things you listed. So glad to have you here, Shireen. I agree, we are new bloggy friends fo' sho, mostly because you wrote "fuck that shit".

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  16. Coffee is a magical elixir of joy and alertness, and should really be available on tap from a spigot installed next to every bed. I hope the Prince got his act together and your Tuesday goes more smoothly!

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    1. I like the way you think. Can I have a beer tap installed too?

      So far, Tuesday has been much better!

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  17. I like the way you send a menacing text, but stick the old 'love you' on the end ;) faaabulous banner by the way. I know I'm one of those 7 woohoo! I'm enjoying catching up on your blog as I've been invisible for the past 6 or so days! xx

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    1. ahha, thanks Abelia. So glad to have you back :)

      Delete
  18. Coffee is THE number one most important thing on a work day. Totally agree, many a mistake has come about from lack of coffee. I'm kind of in love with the stuff.
    Also, I love you're total disregard for sensoring your true animosity...er feelings for your man item. It makes me rethink my sugar-coated descriptions for the shitty shit that happens. SugarBlog: "It wan't completely his fault..." AstonishedBrain: "The F*#@ is wrong with him? How can one even manage to mess something up that badly?"
    Thanks for the giggle, I needed that this morning. :)

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    1. hahaha... my animosity just seeps right through, what can I say?

      Glad you liked the post!

      Delete
  19. I'm never for making your own coffee. I do, however, support stopping at DD or Starbucks on the way in. Please don't kill me.

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    1. Oh, I would totally do Starbucks erry day if I could afford it. Since I can't? PRRRIIINCE, MAKE MEEEE COFFFFEEEEEE.

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Thanks for commenting, lovely human.