So guess what, it's Wednesday, and because I'm totally on top of business, I'm going to tell you about something that happened way back on Sunday.
Deal with it.
Around 2pm on Sunday in the scorching, desert-like heat, The Prince and I decided to venture out of our apartment.
Upon opening the door, we were struck in the nostrils by a terrible, terrible smell.
As the two of us walked around the side of the house to our vehicle, we came upon our landlord, who was on her hands and knees on the tiny patch of grass that is essentially our only pathway out of the yard.
Next to her, she had a hose, the giant garbage bin, bags of garbage, and the rotting carcass of what I assume used to be a roasted chicken.
And the remainder of the chicken was crawling with maggots.
The Prince and I were both appalled and had our shirts pulled up over our faces in disgust. The stench of the decomposing chicken was altogether TOO EFFING MUCH.
So our landlord goes:
"Oh hi guys! Sorry about this mess. We had this chicken about five days ago, but then we were leaving to go camping and I didn't want it in my house so I thought if I put it in a bag and then put it in the garbage thing outside that the bugs would never find it... turns out I was wrong! Ha! Ha! I guess with all the heat, they could smell it! Could you guys smell it? Anyway, I'm just washing everything down now because there are maggots EVERYWHERE. Still not sure what to do with the bones, though. Oh, and I did it over here at the side of the house so I wouldn't be washing all the bugs onto my front lawn."
Me: "Oh my god. Oh. Okay. We need to get by you, though, we're going downtown. I don't really want to walk through maggots*."
*I am not kidding when I say that I could see them ALL OVER THE GRASS.
Landlord: "Oh, well. There really isn't a way around it for you guys, is there? I guess you'll just have to walk through. You don't look so hot. Does this bother you because you're a vegetarian?"
Me: "No no, it's fine."
So then we dodged and jumped our way through an obstacle course of garbage, dead chicken and squirmy maggots.
And once we were finally in the Jeep, driving away:
Me: "DOES IT BOTHER ME BECAUSE I'M A VEGETARIAN? NO, NO, NOT AT ALL. IT BOTHERS BE BECAUSE I'M A HUMAN. DRIVE FASTER, I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE TO THAT WOMAN AND HER CRAZY."