Wednesday, August 15, 2012

And the remainder of the chicken was crawling with maggots OR Another reason I hate my landlord

So guess what, it's Wednesday, and because I'm totally on top of business, I'm going to tell you about something that happened way back on Sunday.

Deal with it.

Around 2pm on Sunday in the scorching, desert-like heat, The Prince and I decided to venture out of our apartment.

Upon opening the door, we were struck in the nostrils by a terrible, terrible smell.

As the two of us walked around the side of the house to our vehicle, we came upon our landlord, who was on her hands and knees on the tiny patch of grass that is essentially our only pathway out of the yard.

Next to her, she had a hose, the giant garbage bin, bags of garbage, and the rotting carcass of what I assume used to be a roasted chicken.

And the remainder of the chicken was crawling with maggots.

The Prince and I were both appalled and had our shirts pulled up over our faces in disgust. The stench of the decomposing chicken was altogether TOO EFFING MUCH.

So our landlord goes:

"Oh hi guys! Sorry about this mess. We had this chicken about five days ago, but then we were leaving to go camping and I didn't want it in my house so I thought if I put it in a bag and then put it in the garbage thing outside that the bugs would never find it... turns out I was wrong! Ha! Ha! I guess with all the heat, they could smell it! Could you guys smell it? Anyway, I'm just washing everything down now because there are maggots EVERYWHERE. Still not sure what to do with the bones, though. Oh, and I did it over here at the side of the house so I wouldn't be washing all the bugs onto my front lawn."

Me: "Oh my god. Oh. Okay. We need to get by you, though, we're going downtown. I don't really want to walk through maggots*."

*I am not kidding when I say that I could see them ALL OVER THE GRASS.

Landlord: "Oh, well. There really isn't a way around it for you guys, is there? I guess you'll just have to walk through. You don't look so hot. Does this bother you because you're a vegetarian?"

Me: "No no, it's fine."

So then we dodged and jumped our way through an obstacle course of garbage, dead chicken and squirmy maggots.

And once we were finally in the Jeep, driving away:

Me: "DOES IT BOTHER ME BECAUSE I'M A VEGETARIAN? NO, NO, NOT AT ALL. IT BOTHERS BE BECAUSE I'M A HUMAN. DRIVE FASTER, I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE TO THAT WOMAN AND HER CRAZY."

True story,

26 comments:

  1. EW! ew ew ew I would have flipped out, maggots?! I'm grossed out for you just reading this, I can only imagine seeing them. They wouldn't find the chicken? Really?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knowwww! Ew is pretty much the only proper reaction to this.

      Delete
  2. Mygosh. Turn her in to the landlord police. It was nice of her to clean it up in our lawn/walkway/whatever so it didn't get all over hers! Dang. What a sweet woman. TIME FOR A NEW APARTMENT WITH A LESS CRAZY LANDLORD!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No shit! We are definitely moving soon, don't you worry.

      Delete
  3. So glad I read this while eating my lunch. mmmmmm. Tasty!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Welp. Thanks for that delightful story.

    ReplyDelete
  5. HAHAHAHAHAH one time, Kevins neighbors rented their summer rental to these younger kids, probably 21 or so...they were pretty sloppy but for hte most part kept it to their side..until one day I was standing barefoot and happened to look down at the HUNDREDS of odd white rice pieces all over the driveway THAT I WAS STANDING IN...only to realize they were maggots invading from the neighbors trash which was filled with raw burgers...talk about a panic attack

    ReplyDelete
  6. what. the. hell. she wanted to save the chicken in a bag? what a weirdo. and to the comment above i would have died. probably literally.

    love, little.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yep, weirdo. crazy weirdo. I would have died at that, too!

      Delete
  7. WOW! That is disgusting!! And I love how she thought it would bother you because you are a vegetarian that's too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I don't want to sound like a whiny little bitch, but too fucking bad.

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

    I would have vomited ON HER FACE.

    ReplyDelete
  9. That made my stomach turn!!!!!! What a psycho!!!!
    OMG. Maggots are one of the grossest things.. I'm sorry!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah.... I appreciate your sympathy, hha

      Delete
  10. Oh my god that is absolutely disgusting and absolutely dim of her to think that it wouldn't attract bugs in the middle of effing summer!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Does this bother you because you're a vegetarian? No, it bothers me because those are fucking maggots!

    ReplyDelete
  12. That's beyond disgusting. The worse I get with my building is a few spiders here and there. I can live with them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah.... we're okay on the spider front... I think...

      Delete

Thanks for commenting, lovely human.