1) "I'm not trying to call you a pansy because you like a chick flick, sweetie. I just think it's weird that you love The Jane Austen Book Club movie so much when you haven't read any Austen. You don't even read. Don't give me that look. The last thing you read was a Reddit post."
2) "Please stop sending me texts about poop. Especially when I'm at work."
3) "No, we don't need to go to the meat section. I don't know why you drag me over there every time we come here. It's not like I'm going to see a bloody steak and suddenly become a carnivore, that's not how this vegetarian stuff works. There's no cure. I'm sorry."
4) "What do you MEAN you just told your cousin he can live with us for a month?! He can't live with us! Our apartment is too tiny! I already struggle with the fact that YOU hear me pee when I go to the bathroom, I can't imagine trying to deal with the two of you sitting on the couch listening to my bodily functions. I'm panicking just THINKING about it."
5) "Kitten? Kitten? KITTEN*. I'm locked in the shower again and I can't get out! There's something wrong with the door! The latch is stuck! I'm trapped! I thought you were going to fix this like a good boyfriend?! I told you find the screw driver yesterday! Can you bring me my towel? I'm getting really cold! Where are youuuu?! Why aren't you coming to rescue me?!"
*"Kitten" is The Prince's nickname for me, but I've started calling him Kitten as well just to fuck with his mind. It's working.
6) "Wake up. Wake up. I think there's a moth in here, I can hear it flying around. Can you get up and squash it? I hate moths. They're like butterflies, but evil. They hang on things like they're bats or something and I'm not okay with it."
7) "We're not going to be able to camp on the side of the Trans-Canada wherever we feel like it. Why? Because RAPE AND PILLAGE is a THING."
8) "How many times do we have to go over this? You trim the wick AND THEN
you light the candle. It really doesn't work when you do it the other
9) "Roll over. Your breath smells like it could belong to a dragon. A dragon with very poor dental hygiene."
10) "Shit, is that an ant? It is. It's totally an ant, and where there's one ant, there's a zillion. KILL IT WITH FIRE."