1) "Mom. MOM. I'm not going to come home to visit and just be drunk the whole entire week. I honestly don't even know how you come up with these unjust accusations."
2) "I would love to help you shop for a new bath mat while I'm home. Yes, I know just the place to find the perfect one."
3) "I'm not bringing home a bunch of wine in my suitcase. I would never do that. What? It's illegal? I had no idea."
4) "It's totally fine if you want The Prince and I to sleep in separate beds while we're at your house. Sure. Not a big deal. It's not like we live together already or anything."
5) "I don't know what he (my little brother) told you about my ankle, but it's not true. I did not pass out. I slipped. I slipped and hurt my ankle, just like grandma did that time. I didn't even have to go to the hospital."
6) "You donated my sandals to Good Will because I hadn't worn them in a while? That's so nice of you. I'll just spend some of my extra cash on a new pair. No worries."
7) "Yes, I have already called the agent about my car insurance. It's ready to go when I get home. I didn't forget to call him like you thought I would."
8) "Mom, don't worry. It's not like I'm going to spend a day in Toronto and wind up buying myself sparkly things at Tiffany's with my credit card. That only happened one time."
9) "Yeah, my boss is totally chill about me being away for almost two whole weeks. He thinks it's a great idea."
10) "What do you think I am, a liar? I don't write about you on my blog. No, seriously, never. I wouldn't exploit our relationship like that."