Things that happened:
1) The seven other women I was with at the bar ordered Bellissimas or Sangria. I ordered vodka and water.
2) The oldest lady there slid down a long bench-style seat to sit next to me "So that the old and young could be close together". When she finally got shimmied all the way down to where I was, she whispered "I think I burnt my bum!"
3) Most of these ladies are co-workers of mine, so we talked a lot about the guys at our workplace. When I declared that "Yeah, most of them are huge creepers" two of the grandmas at the table almost pissed themselves.
4) There was a lengthy discussion about babies and grand-babies, complete with phones being passed around the table so we could all watch videos of said babies. I passed on that and instead ordered more vodka.
5) All eight of us went to see the Magic Mike stripper movie. Awkward.
6) These ladies turned out to be the kind of ladies that went all "woo" when one of the strippers on screen got naked. I slouched in my theatre seat and wished desperately for it to end.
7) The Prince sent me a text to see if I was having fun. My reply: "Kind of, but I think that's the vodka talking."
8) Some of the ladies told raunchy stories about their own experiences with male strippers while in earshot of an entire family with small children. I sat quietly and listened to them say things like "AND THEY USE THESE WEIRD THINGS TO KEEP THEIR DICKS HARD."
9) One of the ladies admitted that she hadn't been on a date in a VERY long time. I told her not to worry because I could set her up on Plenty of Fish first thing Monday morning. She proceeded to stare at me in absolute horror.
10) When I finally made it home, I drank more vodka.
Here's to Monday,