A conversation we had last night:
Me, talking about another couple: "I know he really liked her at first and she wasn't so sure, so she asked if they could wait before having sex and he was really chill about that. I think that's why I was accepting of the relationship to begin with, actually, because he wasn't a jerk about the no sex thing like some guys are."
The Prince: "Yeah, I don't understand guys who try to get laid right away when they're starting something with a girl they really like. I just don't get why anyone would ever try to do that."
The Prince: "Yeah?"
Me: "Oooohhh sweetie. You just opened a whole can of worms."
The Prince: "No I didn't! I waited to have sex with you! You said you wanted to take it slow and so that's what we did! We waited! Because you wanted to!"
Me: "Okay, yeah, BUT. Remember that time you took me on that amazing date to the beach and the pier and stuff? And then even though it was like 2am we decided to watch some episodes of Party Down on your laptop, which you had brought with you, in the back seat of your parents' SUV?"
The Prince: "Yeah. I remember that. That was the night I knew I had wooed you into my web. We even had ice cream in waffle bowls."
Me: "Right. And remember how instead of actually watching Party Down, we started making out? And then you got all handsy and seductive and suggestive and stuff?"
The Prince: "Yeah..."
Me: "YOU TOTALLY TRIED TO GET ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU IN THE BACK OF YOUR PARENTS' SUV. ADMIT IT."
The Prince: "I don't think 'TRIED' is the right word. It was more like 'really hoped'."
Me: "There were blankets and pillows back there, asshole. The whole set-up was premeditated. You were prepared to do the deed right then and there, until I was all 'Listen, I know you met me at a bar and all, but I am not about to have sex with you in the back seat of a vehicle at 3am.' And I swear, the look on your face in that moment was a look of utter disappointment. You were SO gunning to get some."
The Prince: "Understandably so! I admit no wrongdoing. We waited to have sex for almost four whole months after that!"
Me: "I know, but that's not the point. The point is that you tried to get laid right away when you were just starting something with me, a girl who you really liked, which is an action that you just denounced. I just murdered all of your moral high ground."
The Prince: "Why don't you just go join a debate team?"
Me: "What does it feel like to never win an argument? Honestly, I'm interested. How does it feel to lose every single time?"