Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I call this stage the snorepocalypse

Last night The Prince asked me if his snoring had been worse or better as of late.

My answer:

Well, sleep time usually starts out okay. You insist, while you're on the verge of slumber, that I need to be cuddling you with all of my limbs OR that you need to be smothering me with all of yours.

I assume you like this because you're a delicate flower.

Sometime shortly after that phase, your breathing slows and you drift off. I slowly escape from your loving choke-hold and recede to my side of the bed.

A few minutes after that, I hear this adorable, cute, little piglet sound. It's a soft little snort. It's almost cute.

[via]

You continue to sleep for a while after your baby warthog snort and I begin to relax.

Right when I get comfortable, you let out this long, exhausted sigh. This is the true sign that you're out like a light and won't be up until the morning.

The sound of your sigh is comforting. Sometimes it makes me snuggle closer to you. Sometimes I nuzzle my face into your shoulder.

Mid-nuzzle, I hear another little piglet snort. I think you're adorable so I let it slide. I start to fall asleep.

Precisely 3.5 seconds after I've actually manged to achieve sleep, I am awoken by the loudest, meanest, snortiest snore in the entire universe.

Seriously. There are no more little piglet or baby warthog sounds around.

I assume you've eaten them.

It actually sounds like there's a garbage disposal buried in your throat. I shit you not.

I call this stage the snorepocalypse.

The snorepocalypse does not yeild to my shoves, pleas or attempted suffocation.

It continues all night long.

I sincerely wish that our couch wasn't such an uncomfortable piece of shit.

Does that answer your question?

*Sigh*,

20 comments:

  1. I can never respond to your emails because you're set as no-reply. GRR. With that being said, I would love to swap buttons with you for July!
    bahaha. Love your description of his snores!

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    1. how do I change that? I looked the last time you mentioned it and couldn't find anything... :(

      but yes, yay, let's swap.

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  2. You paint such a delightful picture. It makes me want to run out and get a prince for myself asap.

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  3. I'm lucky. Boyfriend only gets twitchy (seriously) when he starts to fall asleep. His snoring is pretty minimal.

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  4. Hahahaha I'm dying over here. This is amazing. Such a cute little bugger turned into a nightmare. I've slept with one of those before.

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  5. Hahaha! Hilarious response! My husband snores and I usually end up kicking him to get him to stop.

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  6. Despite the fact that it's all about snoring, I found this post to be so cute! Love your writing! xo

    http://dreamingenfrancais.blogspot.com

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  7. Haha, my husband sounds similar to your prince. He loves to fall asleep cuddling, but I need my space. Then once he's asleep he's a-snoring. But, it's kind of cute.

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    1. maybe I can train my brain to think it's cute...

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  8. there is nothing worse than loud snoring at night. Get him to some sleep therapy!! xx p.s love that piglet pic haha!

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  9. Bucket of water. OR a nice hand in a bucket of luke warm warm water and even though you'll be sleeping on the sofa he'll spend the night covered in his own pee... I think this might just get him to sort his shit out :) Love Elle xo

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    1. ahhaha. Yes. I've always wanted to do that to someone, because clearly I'm awful.

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  10. i am not going to lie. i am totally the leader of the snorepocalypse. i am a serious snorer to the point where if i ever get married im pretty sure we are going to have to sleep in separate rooms otherwise a divorce might result. it's that bad. haha. unless my future prince ends up being a co-leader. then we'd end up making sweet snore music together =)

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    1. haaha, let's hope for that sweet snore music!

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Thanks for commenting, lovely human.