Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I call this stage the snorepocalypse

Last night The Prince asked me if his snoring had been worse or better as of late.

My answer:

Well, sleep time usually starts out okay. You insist, while you're on the verge of slumber, that I need to be cuddling you with all of my limbs OR that you need to be smothering me with all of yours.

I assume you like this because you're a delicate flower.

Sometime shortly after that phase, your breathing slows and you drift off. I slowly escape from your loving choke-hold and recede to my side of the bed.

A few minutes after that, I hear this adorable, cute, little piglet sound. It's a soft little snort. It's almost cute.


You continue to sleep for a while after your baby warthog snort and I begin to relax.

Right when I get comfortable, you let out this long, exhausted sigh. This is the true sign that you're out like a light and won't be up until the morning.

The sound of your sigh is comforting. Sometimes it makes me snuggle closer to you. Sometimes I nuzzle my face into your shoulder.

Mid-nuzzle, I hear another little piglet snort. I think you're adorable so I let it slide. I start to fall asleep.

Precisely 3.5 seconds after I've actually manged to achieve sleep, I am awoken by the loudest, meanest, snortiest snore in the entire universe.

Seriously. There are no more little piglet or baby warthog sounds around.

I assume you've eaten them.

It actually sounds like there's a garbage disposal buried in your throat. I shit you not.

I call this stage the snorepocalypse.

The snorepocalypse does not yeild to my shoves, pleas or attempted suffocation.

It continues all night long.

I sincerely wish that our couch wasn't such an uncomfortable piece of shit.

Does that answer your question?



  1. I can never respond to your emails because you're set as no-reply. GRR. With that being said, I would love to swap buttons with you for July!
    bahaha. Love your description of his snores!

    1. how do I change that? I looked the last time you mentioned it and couldn't find anything... :(

      but yes, yay, let's swap.

  2. You paint such a delightful picture. It makes me want to run out and get a prince for myself asap.

  3. I'm lucky. Boyfriend only gets twitchy (seriously) when he starts to fall asleep. His snoring is pretty minimal.

  4. Hahahaha I'm dying over here. This is amazing. Such a cute little bugger turned into a nightmare. I've slept with one of those before.

  5. Hahaha! Hilarious response! My husband snores and I usually end up kicking him to get him to stop.

  6. Despite the fact that it's all about snoring, I found this post to be so cute! Love your writing! xo


  7. Haha, my husband sounds similar to your prince. He loves to fall asleep cuddling, but I need my space. Then once he's asleep he's a-snoring. But, it's kind of cute.

    1. maybe I can train my brain to think it's cute...

  8. there is nothing worse than loud snoring at night. Get him to some sleep therapy!! xx p.s love that piglet pic haha!

  9. Bucket of water. OR a nice hand in a bucket of luke warm warm water and even though you'll be sleeping on the sofa he'll spend the night covered in his own pee... I think this might just get him to sort his shit out :) Love Elle xo

    1. ahhaha. Yes. I've always wanted to do that to someone, because clearly I'm awful.

  10. i am not going to lie. i am totally the leader of the snorepocalypse. i am a serious snorer to the point where if i ever get married im pretty sure we are going to have to sleep in separate rooms otherwise a divorce might result. it's that bad. haha. unless my future prince ends up being a co-leader. then we'd end up making sweet snore music together =)

    1. haaha, let's hope for that sweet snore music!


Thanks for commenting, lovely human.