Thursday, June 14, 2012

And then I said there would be no lobster executions

I made a stupid mistake the last time we went to grocery store.

I bought the Prince an entire roasted chicken.

Oh, sure, I protested. I did not want to have a whole chicken carcass in my fridge, believe me.

But he begged and he pleaded. He told me he wanted nothing else. Only chicken would satisfy his hunger.

I caved and spent 8 of my dollars on a dead chicken even though part of my vegetarian rulebook is that I don't spend money on meat.

I have never seen a happier Prince. When we got home, he dove into that thing with glee; he didn't even wait for me to make a salad.

I thought the incident had passed; that I'd taken care of his meat cravings for a while.

Until last night, when he said "I think my next meat treat should be a steak. A big, huge steak. Or a LOBSTER. Oh, I want lobster so badly."

Happy lobster. [via]

I sat there, eyes wide, coming to terms with the fatal error I had made in buying that fucking chicken.

"You can't possibly think that we're buying you more meat, or that we're starting some kind of habit that's called a 'meat treat'" I said.

"Well, you bought me a chicken. A whole chicken. So I figure a little lobster might be okay."

"If you bring home a live lobster, you know that I'll try to make it a pet. You can't just bring home animals and kill them."

"If the water is hot enough when you throw them in, there's no lobster screams. It would be totally fine."

"LOBSTER SCREAMS?"

"Yeah. They make noise if they don't die instantly."

 "I DRAW THE LINE AT YOU USING MY KITCHENWARE FOR MURDER."

"It's not-"

"NO. NO LOBSTER EXECUTIONS. NONE. NO LOBSTERS AT ALL."

"Fiiiiiiiine. How about the steak, though? You're good with steak, right?"

Terrified of finding blood in the fridge,


21 comments:

  1. oh i would FREAK! even when i wasnt vegitarian i REFUSED to touch meat. i hated that i could see the blood in the package. it made me so sad. i couldnt cook it. i never ate steak, chicken, turkey, or anything really. i only had hamburgers, and chicken nuggets.

    so glad that William is a vegitarian also, i couldnt handle having to go to the store for a meat treat!

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    1. Yeah, the blood in the package gets me too. It's a huge "NOPE"

      Life would be easier if The Prince were a vegetarian too... maybe someday!

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  2. Lol meat treat...seriously?! lol. I love lobster (the Prince has good taste!) And to clear up the "screaming" thing...they themselves at NOT screaming. They actually very much dead when they do start to scream, and that is actually the pressure in their shells from the heat and steam making that noise.

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    1. Yes, "meat treat".

      I looked the screaming thing up earlier and got some conflicting reports, I'm going to trust yours because I don't like the idea of them "screaming".

      Delete
  3. You have no idea the depths of my need for an "And then..." post today. Just when I want to kick someone in the face, along comes an "And then..." post and I'm suddenly in a happy place, not a murderous place. Well done, Mgmt, well done.

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    1. Jen! I'm so glad to hear that my post has improved your mood :)

      If my fear of dead lobster makes you happy, all is well!

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    2. You are such a giver. It's really a win win. Due to your desire for no murder, I was no longer murderous. Does it get any better than that?

      Delete
  4. Hahaha the humor kills me. I love lobster (you can scream at me it's okay) but I will still run away screaming and crying when it goes into the water (you can hug me now).

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  5. I think you're probably more cute and quirky than you care to admit, The Management! I love the banter between you guys :) xx

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    1. I'm glad you like it.

      Quirky? Cute? Nevvveerrr ;)

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  6. I LOVE MEAT.
    I DON'T MIND MEAT BLOOD. SOMETIMES WHEN I COOK MY STEAK RARE I PUT IT STRAIGHT INTO SOME TUPPERWARE SO WHEN IT RESTS AND BLEEDS THE MUSHROOMS AND CAPSICUM I PUT IN WITH IT ABSORB ALL THE MEAT JUICES FOR LUNCH THE NEXT DAY.

    MAAHAHA.

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    1. Ruubbbyyyy! Noooooo!

      You're terrible, formerly vegetarian friend.

      Delete
  7. Oh my God. I lost it when I read "'LOBSTER SCREAMS?'" Ahahahaha! Good stuff. Although I'm not a vegetarian, the act of actually killing an animal makes me a little depressed. Especially the thought of lobster screams. :(

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    1. hahahaha. I'm so glad that line did you in. That's the part that gets me, too.

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  8. I totally get you. My husband eats meat with meat on meat :)

    xoxo

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  9. LOL! This post was great! I'm not a vegetarian, but I can empathize with anyone who chooses to be one because they don't like hurting living creatures. I love animals, but I sadly also love how tasty they are. But I have a thing about touching raw meat. I can't do it, it freaks me out. Frozen turkey patties? Nope can't do it. Won't touch 'em.
    And don't worry, the lobster screaming isn't actually it screaming in pain. It is the sound of the pressure being released from the shell when it heats up (I worked in restaraunts for 10 years) however, the "screaming" sound is very disturbing. I don't blame you for not wanting it in your kitchen.

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    1. hahahha at "but sadly I also love how tasty they are"

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  10. For the lobsters and your conscience:
    http://www.chow.com/food-news/53859/do-lobsters-really-scream-when-you-put-them-in-boiling-water/

    http://fiveislandslobster.com/web/facts.html

    http://kitchen-myths.com/2011/03/31/lobsters-scream-with-pain-when-boiled/

    http://www.yumsugar.com/Do-Lobsters-Scream-When-Boiled-18794984

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    1. Oooohhh! References! Look at you GO! Thank you :)

      Delete

Thanks for commenting, lovely human.