Tuesday, May 22, 2012

You have a SECRET CYST SOUL, ginger kid

A couple of months ago I talked about how The Prince has a small cyst on his back- it’s perfectly harmless, blah blah blah. I named the cyst, of course, and was a total shithead about it. Its name is Cystily. You can read all about it here.

Go read that post. I’m not kidding around. If you don’t read it, the rest of what I’m about to say is going to make a whooshing sound as it goes right over your pretty little head. Or maybe not, I’m just fucking with you. I tell lies sometimes.

ANYWAY, last night after eating awesome 7-layer vegetarian burritos and watching A Bug’s Life, The Prince cuddled up to me on the couch. I rubbed his back a little in an attempt to be what some people might call a good girlfriend. It was then that my fingers felt my old friend Cystily.

AND CYSTILY SEEMED TO BE BIGGER.

Me: “Sweetie? I think Cystily is growing.”

The Prince: “Shhh. No he’s not.”

Me: “No really, remember how I used to sing “He’s Cystily and he’s the size of a pea”? Well, now he’s about the size of a LOONIE.”


The Prince: “You are so full of it. The tumor is not any bigger; you just haven’t touched it in a while.”

Me: “Hey! You can’t call him “the tumor” when he’s RIGHT HERE. Cystilty really doesn’t like that derogatory term. He thinks it’s rude, and frankly I have to agree.”

The Prince: “I’m going to bed.”

Once we were both in bed, I made a new suggestion:

Me: “Really though, *reaches over, feels cyst* don’t you think this new growth should be noted? I mean, maybe it’s a sign. Or maybe it’s your long lost twin, or maybe…”

The Prince: “GO TO SLEEP, KITTEN.”

Me: “That wasn’t very nice. I’m talking about your HEALTH….. WAIT. WAIT WAIT WAIT. I’ve got it. What IF…”

The Prince: “This better be good. I’m THISCLOSE to shoving you onto the floor. And you know what? I won’t even throw your pillow down after you.”

Me: “MAYBE YOUR CYST IS YOUR SOUL.”

The Prince: “…What? You’re effed. Go to sleep. Now.”

Me: “NO NO NO, LISTEN. JUST LISTEN. You know, because gingers apparently don’t have souls, but you’re such a nice guy that your soul is growing as a cyst! It’s like flying under the radar- your cyst is a secret soul. Amazing.”

The Prince: “How much vodka did you put in that juice, exactly?”

Me: “I don’t remember. Doesn’t matter, either. You have a SECRET CYST SOUL, ginger kid.”

Hehehehehehhehehe,


22 comments:

  1. Hahaha! You are a hilarious cynic! Poor little Prince...
    But seriously, I would do a medical check on Cystily once more, just for fun :)

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah... I have to wait a few weeks between examinations: if I reach for it too often The Prince gets pouty.

      Delete
  2. Haha! Ginger souls taking the form of cysts. Love it. But he should go to a doctor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! He won't go! Guys and doctors, I tell you.

      Delete
  3. Haha. Well now he definitely can't have it removed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahaha this is hilarious! Where do you come up with this stuff?! Please don't stop drinking vodka. If anything. Drink more please =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jessica,

      I am all kinds of weird. That's where this kind of thing comes from :)

      I will think of you next time I spike my juice in secret and wait for The Prince to notice the change.

      Delete
  5. what a crazy post! Love it!

    Nice to read a blog where you're clearly just being yourself :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Despite the fact that a cyst can be serious, this post is hilarious; could not stop giggling!
    You are like permanently at my blog, so thank you thank you thank you!!!!
    xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The potential seriousness worries me too! I'm working on The Prince to go see a doctor about it.

      As far as visiting your blog- I do what I can ;)

      Delete
  7. Oh jeez. I laughed at both of these. You are hilarious and if it were me, I'd smash it. I had a cyst in my wrist (omg tha rhymes!) and I smashed it. With a book. Because I'm morbid like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAAAAT.

      I really wish you could have seen the look on my face as I read your comment.

      YOU SMASHED IT?

      WHAT? HOW? WHY? DID IT MAKE IT GO AWAY?

      Delete
  8. Oh man.

    Gross.

    I don't do abnormalities in a body. I am a weak human. WEAK

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ohgod! I had a cyst that I got removed, I hope it wasn't my ginger soul! Bahahaha your hilarious....tell the prince to go to the Dr!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I SURE HOPE IT WASN'T. :)

      I know! Last night before bed I was all "the blog people agree with me. You have to go see a doctor."

      He was not impressed.

      Delete

Thanks for commenting, lovely human.