This was written in June of 2011, when I still lived at my parent's house in Ontario.
I’m not sure if any of you are familiar with the animated non-classic The Princess and the Goblin? No matter, because what I’m about to tell you will be hilarious anyhow.
This is a movie that my brother and I used to watch on VHS back in the day. I haven’t watched it in over 10 years, but for some reason this movie came into my mind earlier this week while I was sort of half-asleep, so last night I decided I was going to watch it. My mom and dad were leaving for the evening, so when they left my dad set up the VCR for me, my mom gave my brother some Doritos and me a freezie, and it was fucking 1996 all over again minus a bitchy babysitter. I wasn’t expecting my brother to watch the movie with me, but I guess the nostalgia lured him in.
Anyways, we watch the movie, mostly laughing at how bad it is the whole time. A key part of the plot is that the princess in the movie is given a “magic thread” from her dead and ghostly grandmother that is supposed to always be there, attached to a ring on her finger, to lead her to safety whenever she needs it.
So this bitch goes strolling through mines filled with goblins like it’s no big thing, and she’s having a sweet old time following this magical piece of string that always keeps her safe. Near the end of the movie, there’s a tense scene where the goblins have flooded her castle and she’s being swept away by rushing water that leads up to a waterfall (that just appears out of no-fucking-where, by the way).
Anyway: girl, waterfall, imminent death, right? So she’s left screaming for her little peasant boyfriend to save her as she floats by where he is, on a rock. I’m watching this scene, and right as she’s slipping past the point of safety, my brother bursts out with “WHERE’S YOUR MAGIC THREAD NOW, BITCH?!?!?!” Which was hilarious, yes, but also a really, really valid point. What the? The THREAD WAS SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE THERE. She winds up being fine (no thanks to the aforementioned “magic” thread whose magic I now doubt) and the movie ends.
The credits roll. My brother looks over at me with one eye brow raised: “I fucking missed THUNDERCATS for that shit. Unbelievable!” and then storms up the stairs to go to bed.
I miss my little brother,