“Bitch please. How long have we been friends? What, exactly, are you doing bringing me chicken soup when you know I don’t eat meat?”
It was then that she informed me, which much excitement, that she had read the ingredients to check and found that there was actually no chicken in the so-called chicken soup.
Fast forward to last week when I had no lunch to eat at work and it was pouring rain, so walking very far to get food was totally out of my gameplan. I decided I’d walk to the convenience store beside our building and check out their swag.
I walked in, saw that they had Mr. Noodles Chicken Soup cups for a dollar, bought one and came back to the lunch room. While it was cooking, I attempted to make small talk with a co-worker.
I was all, “Did you know that this chicken soup has no chicken in it? Totally makes my day.”
This woman (who knows I am vegetarian thanks to work barbeques) looked at me like I was DISGUSTING, and said: “Um, yes. Obviously. Not only is there no chicken in it, there is literally NOTHING of nutritional value in that thing you’re about to eat.”
I shrugged, laughed, collected my soup and walked away, but in my HEAD, things were more along the lines of:
“Oh, well LOOK AT YOU with your TACO TIME-SUPPLIED FEAST. I am going to eat my THING and I’m going to fucking LOVE IT and every gram of sodium it pumps through my veins. I told you that this one-dollar cup of soup was MAKING MY DAY and you decided the appropriate course of action was to SHIT ALL OVER MY HAPPINESS. I hope you get taco sauce on your shirt, which, by the way, is fucking heinous.”
Honestly. These women don’t like my hair; they don’t like my lunch choices… yawn. I’m more than ten years younger than all of them, so as far as I’m concerned they can SUCK IT.
Are the people you work with this terrible? Tell me stories.
Forever in favour of soup cups,