Tuesday, May 8, 2012

And then there was a serious post

Yesterday was an anxiety-ridden, eating-disorder-battling kind of day for me. I’ll spare you the story of how I essentially threw a dinosaur-sized fit for half of the day and just say that it sucked more than balls.

When I finally got home, I was reeling. I was angry and uncomfortable and ready to cry. I walked into the bedroom ready to throw myself on the bed and stare at the ceiling until the feeling dissolved.


Beside our bed I keep my favourite pair of jeans that used to fit me. Sometimes those jeans are an inspiration. Sometimes just the sight of those jeans makes it hard to function. Guess which kind of day yesterday was.

I couldn’t see the jeans as clearly though, because The Prince had set a little whiteboard on top of them. This is the whiteboard that I usually write song lyrics on just for kicks and then leave around the apartment. The current lyric is “This Isn’t Everything You Are”. It’s a Snow Patrol song.

And there it was on top of those fucking jeans. This isn’t everything you are.

I sat there for a while and just looked at it, wondering if maybe he left it there by mistake.

When The Prince got home last night, I asked him about it.

“I left it there on purpose because it’s true.”

“No, I am so fucked up.”

“Come here. Just breathe. Breathe, sweetie. You’re okay. I love you.”

28 comments:

  1. Oh, that's really sweet. What a Prince that Prince is! You may be fucked up, but that is NOT ALL you are. You are also wonderfully witty and insightful and charming, and you're one of the best online friends I have. :)

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    1. Yeah, I think I'm gonna keep him.

      Thanks lovely lady. You're one of mine, too :)

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  2. You are not fucked up!
    We all have moments like this, or days like this.
    Reading this post made me want a smoke real bad, but I wont succumb to it and you will not succumb to the notion that you're fucked up.

    Canadian girl love is bigger than this!

    xxx Jessica

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    1. Okay so no smoking for you and no self loathing for me.

      Yay Canadian girl love.

      Thanks Jessica.

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  3. How sweet. And so true. There is so much more to you, not that I know you too well but from reading your blog you are definitely one funny girl :)

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  4. It's okay. I think all girls go through those kind of moments where we see something that we used to be able to fit in and it causes a panic attack and a mini bout of depression. But you know what? F*ck the jeans. You are awesome. I say put on ur fantastical ray ban sunglasses and burn the stupid jeans.

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    1. haha Jessica, thank you for making me grin and giggle at work. You're the greatest!

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  5. It happens...we have mini panic attacks...bouts of depression and since I hit 30 last year..I know the issue with the weight. It really isn't the same anymore :(

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    1. Well goodness me you are just smokin' hot 30 or not.

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  6. What a good egg you have there. Sometimes you just need someone to hold your hand hey? You are a brave one sharing this on your blog and I can assure you I know what it feels like to have mini-meltdowns about this kind of stuff...but you are a good little loopy one so embrace your crazy and be your Prince's Princess when you need to... that's what he's there for! Love Elle xo

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    1. Thanks Elle this made me smile :)

      He is a good little Prince, he deals with my crazy pretty well.

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  7. Sorry you had a rough day. Always try to remember that those bad days will pass, no matter how dark they seem! You're lucky to have someone like Prince in your life to remind you of your true worth! :)

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  8. Hun if your fucked up you are by no means alone! The other day I laid in the kitchen floor sobbing cause I ate a whole pie! So just mentally punch those awful days in the face and give the prince a kiss for showing how great you are! :)

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    1. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing. I really mean that.

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  9. If all these were the result of anxiety and perhaps some panic attacks, you need to relax. It takes a lot of time and medication to get over this stupid disorder. I've been fighting it with all my resources for about 10 years and had so many ups and downs I thought I'm completely damaged and will never be a normal person. Which I'm not, but at least I can act like one, with the proper meds. If normal is what I'm supposed to be :)
    As for the whiteboard and jeans, The Prince is right! This is not everything you are! In fact it has nothing to do with who and how you are. Your soul knows better :)

    Kisses, sweet girl

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    1. Yeah, I hear you girl. It really helps to hear the stories of other awesome people like yourself who struggle with some of the same things.

      My soul DOES know better. Thanks for the kind reminder :)

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  10. Goodness lady. I'm sorry! Just know that it doesn't define you. No matter how much it sucks, you are better than it. You're more than it. Love yourself and let him love you and don't let the lies seep in and take hold. We each have our own little demons that creep in and pop up when we're least expecting it or usually on those days that are already shitty. Keep your head up and read all these comments about people who struggle with a million different things, and know that you can beat it. Don't let it hold you back because you're hilarious and witty and clever. You clearly have a man who loves you. You have plenty of followers who adore you. See what he (and us) sees.

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    1. Larissa! Thanks for writing every bit of that. Everything you just said is what I'm always trying to do/remember. It certainly helps. Thanks for pointing me toward it when I need it.

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  11. I second the notion to get rid of the jeans, not only because they potentially make you sad, but also because of the following reasons:
    1) you refer to them as "old" jeans which indicates to me that they are unlikely to be the cutting edge of style. Unless they are black skinny jeans, then they may have stay-power...
    2) Buying new clothes is a better reward than fitting into old clothes. This, I know to be true!
    3) Who wants to fit into some old ideal of who you used to be, anyway. THROW OUT THE PANTZ AND EMBRACE NEW-SELF-TIMEZZZZ! We were all gross back then, I bet you're much more clever, funnier and prettier now.

    4)

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    1. They're not that old. Maybe a little over a year. They're awesome acid wash skinny jeans with tears all down the front and I paid a fortune for them. Maybe I'll just put them in the closet.

      You're right though, I should probably get some new awesome jeans.

      You're the best, Ruby.

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    1. :) I love you too my Australian best friend.

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  13. Wow ... that Prince. That ginger knows a thing or two. Feel free to share the compliment with him. :)

    P.S. Get rid of those jeans by your bed, girlfriend.

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    1. I will do that :), thank you Veronica.

      Yeah, I'm thinking they need a new home.

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  14. "And there it was on top of those fucking jeans. This isn’t everything you are. " So wise.

    This was spot on perfect, spot on real life.. and blogland is better for it. I am better for it.

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind comments :)

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Thanks for commenting, lovely human.