Monday, April 30, 2012

And then The Prince ate beef jerky while I cleaned the toilet

The Prince and I ruined the concept of lazy Sundays yesterday. We actually had our asses out of bed before 10am (miracle, yes) and spent the whole day doing some hardcore cleaning of our apartment. Why? Well, guys, turns out there is a point where shoving the laundry in the closet just isn’t going to cut it anymore.

When I’m in the right mood, I tend to go a little crazy with cleaning. I mean I scrubbed every inch of our bathroom, re-organized every shelf and surface we own and pretty much used The Prince as my kitchen slave: “WHY AREN’T YOU WASHING DISHES I GAVE YOU ONE JOB SERIOUSLY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM I BET I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR IT.”

Yep.

By far the funniest part (for you) and the most angering part (for me) of yesterday was the point at which I found myself arm-deep in toilet, scrubbing and disinfecting.

So, mid toilet-scrub, I looked up and over at the bathroom vanity I had just cleaned. And on that vanity there was a boyfriend, MY boyfriend, sitting on the edge of the sink, gnawing on a piece of beef jerky.

I added the text, original picture [via]

Allow me to share with you the varied ways in which I found this to be brazenly inappropriate.

First of all, when I asked him to get his ass off of the vanity, he told me that his sweat pants were, in fact, drying it for me. He was apparently “helping”.

Second of all: beef jerky. Disgusting on all fronts, amirite?

When I asked him what part of him sitting on his ass eating beef jerky and watching me clean the porcelain throne was helpful to me in any way, he shrugged and ate more beef jerky.

He then proceeded to whine about how he was tired of washing the dishes because we own so many mason jars and they are not fun to clean.

To which I was all “Fun to clean? Come here, boy, give me your hand. Let me show you how fun it is to clean a toilet.”

When he eventually did go back to washing the dishes, he only did so for a short while. He came and found me in our room where I was vacuuming and asked me if we could “take a break”.

I referenced his earlier beef jerky break. I was told that it was not an “official” break re: he dried part of the vanity with his bum.

Turns out an “official” break means splitting an energy drink and eating popcorn from two separate bowls because we are five years old and don’t know how to share treats.

The rest of the day contained a lot of “No, get away from me. You do not get a kiss. I am trying to arrange the board games by size but also in a way that staggers the different colours of the boxes in an artistic fashion. I do not have time for your bullshit right now.”

Does anything in this post remind you of anyone you know? Share with the team.

Yours with a very pretty apartment,

20 comments:

  1. I would absolutely classify cleaning the sink with your bum not taking a break. Oh and btw you make cleaning the dishes sound so easy like there were only a couple of mason jars.... THERE WAS A MOUNTAIN OF DIRTY DISHES! AN ENTIRE MOUNTAIN!!!!

    -P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh hi Prince, aren't you at work right now? And you're reading my blog? Sounds like a another break to me.

      There may have been a small to medium-sized mountain, but you're always talking about how much you LOVE MOUNTAINS, re: we moved to KELOWNA, BRITISH COLUMBIA, so, tough shit, you know? Mountains are YOUR thing.

      Also, may I remind you that while I finished all my jobs yesterday, there are still dishes that need to be done?

      Yeah?

      YEAH.

      Delete
  2. LOL at The Prince's reply!

    Ok, first of all, I LOVE cleaning! Bleach is my favorite smell. However, I refuse to insert my arm into the toilet in order to clean it. I just use the brush thing with the long handle.

    Second of all, where did he get beef jerky?

    Third of all, it sounds like he is just really good at pacing himself so he doesn't get all burned out. Sorry to take his side.

    And fourth of all, I applaud you so loudly on organizing of the board games! Yay!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha.

      I like the smell of bleach too. Is that bad?

      He got the beef jerky from me because I am a nice, understanding vegetarian girlfriend. I do the grocery shopping and obviously purchase no meat, but we were downtown shopping on Saturday and a nice little store had the jerky so I bought him some.

      hahaha, he is pretty good at that. He's great at break time.

      The board game shelf looks AMAZING, so yes, thank you :)

      Delete
  3. OOoo trying to get a guy to do housework is not an easy task... Atleast you tried!

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    Replies
    1. Haha, yes. Yes I did. I think I did pretty well.

      Delete
  4. You should have flushed the rest of his "precious" jerky down the toilet as PART of his punishment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right. Why did I not think of that?

      Delete
  5. husband and i had a TOTAL blowup fight about everything wrong in our relationship which completely could have been avoided had he decided to ONCE pitch in during our 2 years of marriage and do the dishes. ONCE. ihearyagirl. thanks for your comments on my blog. you. are. really. freakin'. funny. and one of the most real and fascinating personalities out there in the entire blogosphere. i'm hooked for sure. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa! Your comment just made my night. Getting a guy to do dishes is a fine art. I get it.

      Thanks for your compliments, I'm so glad you're here reading along! :)

      Delete
  6. I have been asking my bf to clean the bathroom forever. He never does it and I end up having to, not so fun. His idea of cleaning is taking the garbage out.

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    Replies
    1. The Prince tries that on me too. Why do they not get that taking out the garbage is just necessary and that taking it out does not deserve a gold star?

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. By that i mean the hole cleaning thing not being like your BF but yes guys suck at cleaning & i my self is thinking of geting a wip :)

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    2. haha, sounds like a splendid idea to me. A whip might be mutli-purpose, no? ;)

      Delete
  8. Your hand. In a toilet? Girl. Get a toilet brush. Or whatever they're called. Those are not fun to clean and This story is the exact scene at my house. Im doing the important shit like alphabetically arranging books and CDs and movies and making sure everything is perfectly aligned and he's sitting around watching ESPN and playing with the dog. Ugh. Men.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ps. That's when you get a house with two bathrooms and make him clean his own. Mine? Spotless. His? I can't even.

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    2. haha, so true about alphabetically organizing things and getting no help from The Prince.

      We do have a toilet brush, I was just using my hand (well no, paper towel with cleaner) on the outside of the toilet to dust it. Hope that makes sense.

      I would love a house with two bathrooms. I would be a very, very happy girl if I no longer had to deal with his bathroom habits! Shaving things everywhere! Boxers on the floor! Steals my shampoo!

      Delete
  9. Am I the only male who likes a clean house? jeez.

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Thanks for commenting, lovely human.